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Original Sub By ViKramJS
Resync By M_I_S
www.opensubtitles.org
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Today is gonna be the best day ever.
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How do I know that?
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Because every day is the best day ever.
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I love my life.
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I love sunshine, I love butterflies.
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But more than anything,
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I love Doug.
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Hey!
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Shut the fuck up!
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Fucking piece of shit.
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That's Doug.
Also known as the best owner in the world.
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I still remember
the first day we met.
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She was too flirting with you.
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Hey, babies!
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The second Doug laid eyes on me,
we knew we were meant to be together.
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Fuck.
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Ever since that day,
he and I have been inseparable.
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Why is Doug so great?
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-Where do I begin?
-Get down.
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He loves being around me
so much, he doesn't even have a job.
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Also, Doug doesn't get me boring dog toys.
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He lets me come up with my own toys.
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Hi, Reggie. What you got?
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Like this stretchy thing.
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-What the fuck!
-Uh…
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Those aren't mine.
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There's a simple explanation.
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This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.
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Doug, it's July.
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Sometimes I worry if I'm doing
a good job making Doug happy.
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-You don't get it.
-I'm done. Reggie.
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But then I realized
I do make Doug happy.
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What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.
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I love this dog.
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And that makes me happy.
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All that matters is that you like him.
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And I like that
you don't get to have him.
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You are a total fucking loser.
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Yeah, a loser with a dog.
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Honestly,
the only thing in the world
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that Doug maybe loves more than me
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is his favorite toy: his penis.
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He gives it haircuts,
he watches TV with it…
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- Flip it around!
- Stop staring. You're ruining it.
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And the way he pets that thing,
sometimes I wish I was a penis.
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But every time I try to play with it,
he gets so possessive.
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Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
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The key to any good relationship
is having things in common.
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We both like barking…
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We both love a good scratch.
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And we can stay up all night,
just talking for hours.
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You fucked up my life, didn't you?
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Even though I don't understand
what he's saying…
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She never would have found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.
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…I can tell he loves me.
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And while I don't know
that many human beings,
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I think it's safe to assume
he's one of the best.
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Oh, goddamn.
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It's bullshit, Mom.
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They're kicking me out 'cause
your last check wasn't enough for rent.
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You might say Doug is messy,
but lately…
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No, I'm not gonna
move back home.
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…he's been much better
at putting his toys away.
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No, I'm sorry. Look.
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It's just you know that
I can't live that close to a school.
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No!
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Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!
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Oh. You like that ball, don't you?
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Lately, Doug has been playing
a brand-new game with me
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called "Fetch and Fuck"!
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Fetch.
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Basically, Doug drops me off
really far away…
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Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
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…throws the ball,
and drives home without me.
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Then it's my turn to get the ball
and find my way back home!
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-When I bring the ball back, he says--
-Fuck.
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And that's how I know I won the game!
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Fetch!
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We've been playing it a lot lately.
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- Fuck!
- Sometimes we play it
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three or four times in the same day.
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Fetch!
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Fuck!
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Fetch! Fuck!
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Fuck!
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Fuck!
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Holy fuck!
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"Holy fuck" is right!
I win again!
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That's it.
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This ends now.
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♪ You only got a couple miles to go ♪
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♪ If you're trying to drive me insane… ♪
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These road trips are the best!
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Because you get to see
the exciting world outside our town.
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Keep driving, Doug!
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Don't make it too easy on me.
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I love a challenge.
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♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
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♪ Shine on me ♪
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♪ Shine on me ♪
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♪ Shine on me ♪
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♪ Shine on me ♪
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This round's gonna be
the hardest one yet,
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because we went way further
than we've ever gone before.
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In fact, I have no idea where we are.
107
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And that's exciting!
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00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:10,336
I know the world seems like
a scary place sometimes,
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00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:11,504
but I don't worry.
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Good luck fetching this.
111
00:06:12,714 --> 00:06:15,591
Because I'm always safe at Doug's side.
112
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Sure, Doug really
challenges me with this game,
113
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but that's just because he believes in me.
114
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You know what they say:
The best relationships are the hard ones.
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You have to put in the work.
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You gotta have courage.
117
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And you always need to remember
that real love…
118
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is never easy.
119
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But even though I love this game,
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I kinda want it to be over.
121
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Because, well,
I really just wanna be home.
122
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Okay, time to get moving.
123
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Going back to Doug's.
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This is a nice neighborhood.
125
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I like all the trash.
126
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And the needles. So many needles.
127
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Hey, honey, you ever been with
an Afghan before?
128
00:08:35,857 --> 00:08:39,444
Uh, no,
I don't think so, but thank you.
129
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Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
130
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You lost?
131
00:08:47,285 --> 00:08:50,621
Hi, there, big dogs. Yes, I am lost.
132
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I'm trying to get to Doug's place.
133
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Do-- Do you know which way
that is from here?
134
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,378
-Hmm… You say Doug's place?
-I did, yeah.
135
00:08:57,462 --> 00:08:59,922
-Oh, yeah, I know which way that is.
-Oh, great.
136
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,425
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.
137
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:03,676
Oh… No, that can't be right.
138
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,013
Okay.
Well, I'll just be on my way.
139
00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:09,390
Uh, can I please have my ball back?
140
00:09:09,474 --> 00:09:12,226
Your ball? You'll be lucky
if I let you leave with your life.
141
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:15,772
Hey! Who in the fuck is making
all that noise in my fucking alley?
142
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,148
Who's this guy?
143
00:09:17,231 --> 00:09:20,693
Oh, you don't want me to come around
this fucking corner now, do you?
144
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,695
Shit's gonna get crackin'. Trust me!
145
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,656
You wanna dance, motherfuckers, huh?
146
00:09:24,739 --> 00:09:27,033
You wanna dance? Let's do this.
147
00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:30,453
What's up, bitches? Huh?
148
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:31,829
Oh, he's tiny.
149
00:09:31,913 --> 00:09:34,457
The shadow.
I thought he was fucking big.
150
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,958
Yeah, we can destroy this guy, right?
151
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,295
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.
152
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,505
I dare you!
153
00:09:40,588 --> 00:09:42,382
You know how many diseases is up in me?
154
00:09:42,465 --> 00:09:43,966
Rabies, scabies,
155
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,970
whatever disease you can get
from tongue-fucking a dead squirrel,
156
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,056
which I did last night,
'cause I'm crazy, man!
157
00:09:51,349 --> 00:09:53,101
That's a 37-inch vertical.
158
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I'ma tell you right now,
you run up on me,
159
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,815
and I'll stick this paw right up your ass
and in his. Like a shish kebab.
160
00:09:58,898 --> 00:09:59,941
Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
161
00:10:00,024 --> 00:10:01,609
Look at the way
he's barking at his own ass.
162
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I'll do it! I'll do it!
I'll bite my own ass off!
163
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,156
Oh, man.
The fuck is wrong with this guy?
164
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,617
I'm so crazy I'll fuck the trash!
165
00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:11,369
You like it, don't you?
You like it.
166
00:10:11,452 --> 00:10:12,787
You wanna get recycled?
167
00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,915
Anybody got a twisty tie?
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
168
00:10:15,999 --> 00:10:17,166
Okay, who's next?
169
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,501
He's freaking me out. Let's bounce.
170
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,878
I'll fight you
or fuck you. Dealer's choice.
171
00:10:20,962 --> 00:10:22,880
But either way,
you're getting worms!
172
00:10:23,631 --> 00:10:25,842
Large breeds, man.
173
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:29,929
These motherfuckers, man, always
falling for that crazy little dog trick.
174
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:31,055
Hey, you with me, kid?
175
00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:33,766
'Cause this block ain't for dogs like you.
We should get the hell outta here.
176
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,518
But my tennis ball…
177
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,061
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.
178
00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:44,444
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?
179
00:10:44,527 --> 00:10:47,613
Oh. Right, sorry.
It's good to meet you, Bug.
180
00:10:47,697 --> 00:10:49,574
-My name is Shitbag.
-What?
181
00:10:49,657 --> 00:10:51,909
Oh, it's short for "Dumbass Shitbag."
182
00:10:51,993 --> 00:10:54,537
But sometimes,
Doug pronounces it "Fucknugget."
183
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,248
Uh, none of those
sound like names.
184
00:10:57,332 --> 00:11:01,461
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me "Reggie."
185
00:11:01,544 --> 00:11:03,713
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
186
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:04,881
Let's keep moving.
187
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,508
So, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?
188
00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:09,302
Oh, I… No, I'm not a stray.
189
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:11,679
-Oh, you're not?
-I-I'm just out here temporarily.
190
00:11:11,763 --> 00:11:13,056
-Oh.
-I actually have an owner.
191
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,975
We're playing this game
where he drops me off far away…
192
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,226
-Mm-hmm. Right.
-…throws a ball,
193
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,771
and then it's my turn
to bring the ball back home.
194
00:11:25,693 --> 00:11:27,445
- Holy shit!
- Yeah.
195
00:11:27,528 --> 00:11:31,699
That's, uh… I-I-I'm sorry, man,
but that's incredibly tragic
196
00:11:31,783 --> 00:11:35,286
and the funniest fucking thing
I've heard in a long fucking time.
197
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:36,788
Glad you're having a good laugh.
198
00:11:36,871 --> 00:11:38,081
Take it from me, kid.
199
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:41,376
That owner of yours,
he's not playing any game with you.
200
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:43,252
-He left your ass, okay?
-Huh?
201
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,880
You are officially a stray.
202
00:11:45,963 --> 00:11:47,173
Don't call me that.
203
00:11:47,256 --> 00:11:48,800
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
204
00:11:48,883 --> 00:11:51,928
I'm a stray and I'm having
the time of my life.
205
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,471
You'll learn. How old are you?
206
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:54,722
I'm two.
207
00:11:54,806 --> 00:11:58,518
Well, I'm three, and I have seen it all.
Paw to God.
208
00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:02,480
I once saw a dog
that was half Labrador and half poodle.
209
00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:04,315
-A-A Labradoodle!
-No. No, no, no.
210
00:12:04,399 --> 00:12:05,566
A Poo-dor.
211
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:06,943
-A Poo-dor?
-The other way around.
212
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,903
-Even fucking weirder.
-Yeah.
213
00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:12,699
Point is, life out here on your own
can be fucking awesome,
214
00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:14,617
as long as you go by the rules.
215
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,911
W-Well, what rules?
216
00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:20,248
Rule number one:
You want something, you pee on it.
217
00:12:20,331 --> 00:12:22,291
Whatever you pee on, it's yours.
218
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,376
Let's try it out.
219
00:12:23,459 --> 00:12:25,461
-You see that lamppost over there?
-Yeah.
220
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,255
I want you to go over there
and pee on that.
221
00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:28,589
And you're sure this is okay?
222
00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:30,508
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody givin' a fuck.
223
00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:32,635
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.
224
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:36,431
Well, I'm not a stray, but, yeah, okay.
225
00:12:36,514 --> 00:12:39,100
Congratulations. You now own a lamppost.
226
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,103
Oh, wow.
227
00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:43,771
{\an8}Now, let's talk rule number two.
228
00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:46,274
{\an8}You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.
229
00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:48,109
Have you ever humped anything before?
230
00:12:48,192 --> 00:12:50,194
Well, I wouldn't say I've humped per se,
231
00:12:50,278 --> 00:12:52,363
but I do like to dance on Doug's leg.
232
00:12:52,447 --> 00:12:53,948
Dude, that wasn't dancing.
233
00:12:54,032 --> 00:12:56,659
Baby, you was humping.
The devil's dance.
234
00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:01,622
But now, the world is like a buffet
for your tiny dog dick.
235
00:13:01,706 --> 00:13:02,999
-Really?
-You know what?
236
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,459
I recently fucked this couch.
237
00:13:04,542 --> 00:13:06,085
-No.
-Mm-hmm.
238
00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,379
-Best sex of my life.
-Wow. Really?
239
00:13:08,463 --> 00:13:10,590
Yeah, a-a-and she dirty, too.
240
00:13:10,673 --> 00:13:11,924
Oh, well, I-I can tell.
241
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:14,135
Looks like she hasn't been washed
in years.
242
00:13:14,218 --> 00:13:15,803
I'll see you later, baby.
243
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:20,933
It was nice to meet you.
244
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,187
Now, rule number three.
245
00:13:24,729 --> 00:13:28,274
And this is the most important, bar none.
246
00:13:28,358 --> 00:13:31,486
You are on your own.
247
00:13:31,569 --> 00:13:34,238
-That's awful.
-That's not a bad thing, all right?
248
00:13:34,322 --> 00:13:35,406
Right now, you're freaking out
249
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:38,034
'cause you feel like, you know,
y-y-you need this Doug guy.
250
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:41,537
-I do!
-But no, no, trust me, you don't.
251
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,374
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em.
252
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,376
But they're just brainwashing us, man.
253
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,545
Point is, you ain't gotta
deal with that shit no more, okay?
254
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:50,672
You a stray.
255
00:13:50,755 --> 00:13:53,174
-You can do anything you want now.
-I don't know.
256
00:13:53,257 --> 00:13:57,345
Come on, repeat after me.
"I can do anything."
257
00:13:57,428 --> 00:14:00,098
I can do… anything?
258
00:14:00,181 --> 00:14:01,641
Damn fucking right you can.
259
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:05,561
Now, you wanna see how fucked-up
humans can be? Come on.
260
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,691
Look at these motherfuckers here.
261
00:14:10,858 --> 00:14:12,652
A bunch of pet dogs,
262
00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,821
losing their minds
over their 15 minutes of freedom.
263
00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:19,075
God, if only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.
264
00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:21,619
Follow me.
265
00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:24,038
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?
266
00:14:24,122 --> 00:14:26,499
-Because they love us?
-No, no, I got a theory.
267
00:14:26,582 --> 00:14:28,918
-They need us for our poop.
-Huh?
268
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,336
Watch that lady. Watch her.
269
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:31,879
- See? See?
- Uh-huh.
270
00:14:31,963 --> 00:14:34,215
It's like they're collecting it
for something.
271
00:14:34,298 --> 00:14:35,508
What do you think they do with it?
272
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:37,260
I think they're using it
to make chocolate.
273
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:38,803
-Oh.
-Have you ever had a piece of chocolate?
274
00:14:38,886 --> 00:14:40,138
-No.
-Exactly.
275
00:14:40,221 --> 00:14:41,806
Come on.
I'm gonna introduce you to my homies.
276
00:14:41,889 --> 00:14:44,017
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.
277
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,019
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say a lot of shit.
278
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,353
-Hey, losers.
-Hey, Bug.
279
00:14:47,437 --> 00:14:50,148
Ugh. If it isn't the tiny dog
who caught the car.
280
00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:52,525
-I did catch that car.
-No, everyone knows that's impossible.
281
00:14:52,608 --> 00:14:55,278
-Yeah, it was parked.
-Yeah, it parked after I caught it.
282
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,572
-No, there was no one in the car.
-No one in the car.
283
00:14:57,655 --> 00:14:59,615
Listen, I don't even have to keep
this conversation going.
284
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,909
What I was trying to do, losers,
285
00:15:01,993 --> 00:15:04,287
was introduce you
to my new friend, Reggie.
286
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:05,621
He just got dumped.
287
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,498
Aw, sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.
288
00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:09,334
I'm sorry. Was it at least mutual?
289
00:15:09,417 --> 00:15:11,753
-No, it's actually just a game.
-Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.
290
00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:15,131
He's a therapy dog who works in
a home for dying humans.
291
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,924
Which sounds like an okay gig,
292
00:15:17,008 --> 00:15:19,260
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.
293
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:21,638
You almost made it to the police squad?
294
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:22,722
That's awesome.
295
00:15:22,805 --> 00:15:25,016
Oh.
Yeah, I… I guess it's awesome.
296
00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:26,851
Get the fuck out of my way, cone boy.
297
00:15:26,934 --> 00:15:28,603
Oh. Sorry about that, Bubsy.
298
00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:30,688
Hunter, say something back, mate.
299
00:15:30,772 --> 00:15:31,856
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
300
00:15:31,939 --> 00:15:33,483
Um… Hey, Bubsy.
301
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:36,027
You got any fucking…
weekend plans?
302
00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:37,862
- What? Still sounds friendly.
- You got him.
303
00:15:37,945 --> 00:15:40,281
-Yeah, raw-doggin' your mom.
-Ah. Right.
304
00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:43,660
Well, I'm pretty sure she's dead,
but good luck anyway.
305
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:44,619
Pussy!
306
00:15:44,702 --> 00:15:46,704
Love those observations, Bubs.
Take care.
307
00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:48,039
Hunter, get your weight up.
308
00:15:48,122 --> 00:15:49,415
Don't let him talk to you like that.
309
00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:51,834
-You're the biggest dog here!
-You should eat his freakin' face off,
310
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,419
shit it out and then eat it again.
311
00:15:53,503 --> 00:15:55,505
Bug, you know I don't love confrontation.
312
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,132
Yeah, don't let the big dick fool you.
He's just a gigantic pussy.
313
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:01,386
Whoa. It is a great penis.
314
00:16:01,469 --> 00:16:03,638
Oh, thanks.
You know, I try to keep it clean.
315
00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:05,348
Do my best to lick it as much as possible.
316
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,100
Yeah, the only thing
thicker than Hunter's dick
317
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,810
is the sexual tension
between these two.
318
00:16:08,893 --> 00:16:10,979
- Oh, come on.
- Bug, no. What?
319
00:16:11,062 --> 00:16:12,730
-That's funny, though.
-Yeah, right. Imagine.
320
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:15,316
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."
321
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,609
- But, no. No.
- No.
322
00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,737
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.
323
00:16:19,821 --> 00:16:21,698
But sadly, her owner, Jenna,
324
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,367
thinks the badder bitch is the puppy
that replaced her.
325
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,661
So Bella looked at me,
like, "I want a cupcake too,"
326
00:16:26,744 --> 00:16:28,579
so I was, like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
327
00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:30,790
-I am so here for that.
-Right?
328
00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:34,585
So, Jenna said, "sit," which I did.
329
00:16:34,669 --> 00:16:36,045
But then I thought,
330
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,964
wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused
331
00:16:38,047 --> 00:16:40,508
- and tilted my head, like, "Huh?"
- Oh, my God, stop.
332
00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,302
Man, sure gotta suck
to compete with that.
333
00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:43,553
No, it's fine.
334
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,179
Bella's young and cute and fun,
335
00:16:45,263 --> 00:16:48,016
so of course Jenna loves her more
than me right now, and I get that.
336
00:16:48,099 --> 00:16:50,643
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later--
337
00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:53,563
But what I really don't get is
why Jenna thinks it's so adorable
338
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,024
when she spins around in circles.
I could do that in my sleep.
339
00:16:56,107 --> 00:16:57,942
-You know what, it's totally fine.
-Mmm. Okay.
340
00:16:58,026 --> 00:17:00,320
You know what? It doesn't get to me
so much anymore. I'm fine.
341
00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,530
I'm not jealous or worried
or angry or depressed
342
00:17:02,613 --> 00:17:04,699
or confused or fuming
or unhinged at all.
343
00:17:04,782 --> 00:17:06,158
Yeah, you seem totally fine.
344
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,286
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,
345
00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:10,038
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.
346
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,371
I've been going into the digging.
347
00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:13,291
I like the feeling of the soil
under my nails.
348
00:17:13,374 --> 00:17:16,293
I'm out in the fresh air again.
I'm just connecting to the land.
349
00:17:16,377 --> 00:17:20,005
No, I'm learning I love digging.
I love digging! I love it! I love to dig!
350
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:23,509
What's happening?
351
00:17:23,592 --> 00:17:25,887
See, Reg?
Aren't you happy to be a stray now
352
00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:28,014
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?
353
00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:30,308
Well, no. As I said, I'm not a stray.
354
00:17:30,391 --> 00:17:31,684
Doug and I are just playing a game.
355
00:17:31,768 --> 00:17:32,685
Mm-hmm.
356
00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:34,604
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?
357
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:38,650
And you can learn how beautiful
it can be when you're off the leash.
358
00:17:38,733 --> 00:17:42,070
If I can't convince you
that being stray is great,
359
00:17:42,153 --> 00:17:43,946
- scraps night will.
- Sure will.
360
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,824
Well, thank you, but I really
should be getting back to Doug.
361
00:17:46,908 --> 00:17:48,159
What? Why?
362
00:17:48,242 --> 00:17:50,995
So I can make him happy.
Isn't that a dog's purpose?
363
00:17:51,079 --> 00:17:54,374
-Don't you ever say that again!
-Here we go.
364
00:17:54,457 --> 00:17:59,629
Reggie, your purpose is not to make
some stupid human families happy.
365
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:03,007
It's not to make some single loser
feel more complete.
366
00:18:03,091 --> 00:18:05,093
Your purpose is to do
367
00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:07,387
-whatever the fuck you want.
-Whatever the fuck you want.
368
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:08,972
And when you are a stray,
369
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,516
- there's a lot to fucking do.
- …a lot to fucking do.
370
00:18:11,599 --> 00:18:13,267
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?
371
00:18:13,351 --> 00:18:15,186
- You've said this a million times.
- I know.
372
00:18:15,269 --> 00:18:16,104
I love that spiel.
373
00:18:16,187 --> 00:18:17,689
Write your own fucking speeches,
okay?
374
00:18:17,772 --> 00:18:18,690
It's fine. Okay.
375
00:18:18,773 --> 00:18:21,651
Now, what do you say, guys?
Another scraps night?
376
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:22,777
Yes!
377
00:18:22,860 --> 00:18:25,238
All right, meet at the pizza place
at sundown,
378
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:28,074
and we gonna fuck shit up.
379
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:29,492
♪ Get wild… ♪
380
00:18:34,497 --> 00:18:36,290
So what is scraps night?
381
00:18:36,374 --> 00:18:38,459
It's that one magnificent night
of the week
382
00:18:38,543 --> 00:18:40,878
where humans are a lot more willing
to give us food
383
00:18:40,962 --> 00:18:42,672
or drop it accidentally or both.
384
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,675
That stuff that they're dropping is gold.
385
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,510
I just feel like
we're gonna get in trouble.
386
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,596
No, we're cleaning up.
These fuckers love it when we clean up.
387
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:51,681
Wait for it.
388
00:18:53,474 --> 00:18:54,600
Wait for it.
389
00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:56,227
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
390
00:18:56,311 --> 00:18:57,854
- Go!
- That's the one. Let's do this!
391
00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:00,857
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
392
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,734
♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪
393
00:19:02,817 --> 00:19:05,862
♪ Keep a pocket full
Got these bitches wanna hit me up ♪
394
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:06,946
♪ Drinking by the pool ♪
395
00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:08,656
♪ Doing drugs, is you lit or what? ♪
396
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:09,866
♪ Making hella noise… ♪
397
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:12,285
This water is making me dizzy.
398
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:15,163
It's about to get real dizzy
up in this bitch.
399
00:19:15,246 --> 00:19:17,915
- I don't mind feeling dizzy. I like it.
- Pace yourself, Reg.
400
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,887
Chester, for the last time,
401
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,388
there's no fucking fence there.
402
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,641
-Just come out with us!
-I can't.
403
00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:37,393
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.
404
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,895
You just can't see it!
405
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,480
-Come on, Chester!
-Come on!
406
00:19:40,563 --> 00:19:42,523
Chester! Chester!
407
00:19:42,607 --> 00:19:46,152
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.
408
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:49,697
I can't believe I'm doing this.
409
00:19:49,781 --> 00:19:51,199
Stop being a pussy and do this!
410
00:19:51,282 --> 00:19:52,283
Okay!
411
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,202
Whoo! Run!
412
00:19:54,285 --> 00:19:56,371
- Chester! Chester!
- You can do it!
413
00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,581
You got it, Chester. You got it!
414
00:20:00,124 --> 00:20:01,417
Whoo!
415
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:02,835
Goddamn!
416
00:20:02,919 --> 00:20:05,546
It's real! The magic fence is real!
417
00:20:05,630 --> 00:20:08,466
♪ Big dog status, big dog baggage ♪
418
00:20:08,549 --> 00:20:11,386
♪ Big dog, fuck it
I got big dog habits ♪
419
00:20:11,469 --> 00:20:14,305
♪ See, I'm going hard in the paint
Doing damage ♪
420
00:20:14,389 --> 00:20:17,767
♪ Big dog tell me do it
Look like I'm average… ♪
421
00:20:18,643 --> 00:20:20,520
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
422
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:22,313
Somebody been naughty. You a naughty--
423
00:20:22,397 --> 00:20:24,607
You a little naughty owl.
424
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,568
You're right, Bug. I like this humping.
425
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,904
Bug, can I try your owl?
426
00:20:29,988 --> 00:20:32,490
I told you scraps night
was gonna be off the chain, baby.
427
00:20:32,573 --> 00:20:33,741
I'm having a great time.
428
00:20:33,825 --> 00:20:34,867
Ain't this about a bitch.
429
00:20:34,951 --> 00:20:36,536
Look at this motherfucker right here.
430
00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:38,121
What you want, huh, homie?
431
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,581
-I'll rip your motherfucking nuts off.
-Come on, let's go.
432
00:20:40,665 --> 00:20:42,792
-Pointy-eared motherfucker.
-Come on, it's not worth it.
433
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,544
- There you go, Reg.
- I'm doing good?
434
00:20:44,627 --> 00:20:46,546
Give it to that gnome, Reg.
435
00:20:46,629 --> 00:20:48,464
Tell that gnome you're his daddy.
436
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,550
Hey, gnome. I'm your father.
437
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:52,302
- It's good to finally meet you.
- Reggie.
438
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,845
Even under
these strange circumstances.
439
00:20:53,928 --> 00:20:55,054
No, Reggie.
440
00:20:55,138 --> 00:20:56,222
Oh, you can't get me!
441
00:20:56,306 --> 00:20:58,933
Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.
I'm too fast for you.
442
00:20:59,017 --> 00:21:01,311
-This motherfucker is keeping up.
-Come on, let's go.
443
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,438
With your little bitch-ass friend
with a home perm and shit.
444
00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:04,856
-What did you say?
-There you go, Reg.
445
00:21:04,939 --> 00:21:06,983
-Don't you look at me like that.
-Get up in his ass.
446
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,860
I would hate for this to get violent.
447
00:21:08,943 --> 00:21:10,111
I didn't know I had a son.
448
00:21:10,194 --> 00:21:12,113
- And he's a gnome of all things.
- Reggie!
449
00:21:12,196 --> 00:21:13,865
-Fuck, shut up!
-Anyone want to hump my son?
450
00:21:13,948 --> 00:21:15,033
Man, come on. It's too much.
451
00:21:15,116 --> 00:21:16,492
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart tunic.
452
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,162
Yo, Chester. You got balls, baby.
453
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:20,788
That magic fence was legit.
454
00:21:20,872 --> 00:21:22,415
I kept telling you!
455
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:25,043
What a weird thing a magic fence would be
to make up.
456
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:26,627
I can do anything.
457
00:21:26,711 --> 00:21:28,963
- Reggie, don't.
- Wait, what's going on?
458
00:21:29,047 --> 00:21:30,548
- No. Don't do it!
- Reggie, no.
459
00:21:30,631 --> 00:21:32,634
I can do anything.
460
00:21:32,717 --> 00:21:35,470
Do not test the dark arts, kid.
461
00:21:46,356 --> 00:21:47,607
♪ Get wild ♪
462
00:21:47,690 --> 00:21:49,734
-Oh, shoot!
-That was fucking amazing!
463
00:21:49,817 --> 00:21:51,194
-Incredible!
-Holy shit!
464
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:53,321
-Yeah!
-Impossible. That's impossible!
465
00:21:53,404 --> 00:21:55,114
- Reggie!
- I did it! I did it!
466
00:21:55,198 --> 00:21:58,076
Oh, what a night.
467
00:21:58,159 --> 00:21:59,160
Yeah.
468
00:21:59,243 --> 00:22:03,956
Reg, I could tell the moment
I sniffed your anus, you're a great guy.
469
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,668
-You're a legend.
-Yeah, baby, I told you.
470
00:22:06,751 --> 00:22:08,670
Stray's life is the best life!
471
00:22:08,753 --> 00:22:12,006
Yeah, you gotta admit,
it's fun to be off-leash for a bit, right?
472
00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:13,925
- Right?
- Yeah, it is kinda awesome
473
00:22:14,008 --> 00:22:17,303
not having to hold my pee for ten hours
until Doug lets me outside.
474
00:22:18,846 --> 00:22:21,265
And I like the sound of "legend"
a lot more than "shitbag."
475
00:22:21,349 --> 00:22:22,809
Guys, I'm still peeing.
476
00:22:22,892 --> 00:22:25,061
Wait, is that really
what he called you?
477
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:28,523
I really don't miss roasting in the car
when he stops at a store,
478
00:22:28,606 --> 00:22:32,235
and he leaves me with the windows cracked
barely enough for me to stay conscious.
479
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:35,196
- Wait, what?
- And I'm just panting, gasping for air
480
00:22:35,279 --> 00:22:39,325
and trying to survive
until he comes back in 45 minutes.
481
00:22:40,034 --> 00:22:41,995
Classic Doug. Too funny.
482
00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:47,625
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,
483
00:22:47,709 --> 00:22:49,877
and you still think he's a good guy?
484
00:22:49,961 --> 00:22:52,338
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,
485
00:22:52,422 --> 00:22:54,757
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?
486
00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:57,051
So he doesn't have to buy dog food.
487
00:22:57,135 --> 00:22:59,137
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?
488
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:01,973
Because he doesn't believe in labels.
489
00:23:02,056 --> 00:23:03,099
Ah, come on, Reg.
490
00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:06,269
And the bandana he gave me
is way more special than a collar,
491
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:08,980
'cause he used it for his penis sneezes.
492
00:23:09,063 --> 00:23:10,023
-Ew.
-Ew.
493
00:23:10,106 --> 00:23:11,441
Doug loves me.
494
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,276
We have a good relationship.
495
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,361
You just don't understand the situation,
496
00:23:15,445 --> 00:23:17,864
because if Doug's such a bad guy,
497
00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:22,535
and he left me on purpose,
and he hurt me on purpose,
498
00:23:23,286 --> 00:23:24,287
that would mean…
499
00:23:25,204 --> 00:23:26,205
that would mean…
500
00:23:27,332 --> 00:23:28,583
Doug doesn't love me.
501
00:23:33,629 --> 00:23:36,132
Can you guys
just give me a second?
502
00:23:43,473 --> 00:23:45,058
Poor little guy.
503
00:23:45,141 --> 00:23:47,685
That is just the classic
toxic relationship.
504
00:23:47,769 --> 00:23:50,188
I should probably talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.
505
00:23:50,271 --> 00:23:51,939
Nah, give him some space.
506
00:23:52,023 --> 00:23:53,274
Kid's been through a lot.
507
00:23:55,068 --> 00:23:57,820
That's what
you fucking sound like, you piece of shit.
508
00:24:00,907 --> 00:24:02,533
Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog!
509
00:24:02,617 --> 00:24:04,452
Bad dog! Bad dog!
510
00:24:04,535 --> 00:24:07,080
Worst dog in the fucking world.
511
00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:17,423
Hey, Reggie.
512
00:24:17,507 --> 00:24:19,801
I know you're feeling hurt right now,
and it's--
513
00:24:19,884 --> 00:24:22,345
Ugh. It must be so hard
to figure out what to do.
514
00:24:22,428 --> 00:24:23,554
I'm going back to Doug's.
515
00:24:23,638 --> 00:24:25,098
-What?
-The fuck, man?
516
00:24:25,181 --> 00:24:29,018
What's it gonna take for you to understand
that he's not playing a game with you?
517
00:24:29,102 --> 00:24:31,521
And I'm not playing a game with him.
518
00:24:31,604 --> 00:24:33,231
Okay.
519
00:24:33,314 --> 00:24:36,484
All my life,
I felt like I wasn't worth anything
520
00:24:36,567 --> 00:24:40,196
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy."
521
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:41,948
But they never came.
522
00:24:42,532 --> 00:24:45,076
Well, he needs to know he's hurt me.
523
00:24:45,159 --> 00:24:46,577
He needs to feel my pain.
524
00:24:47,161 --> 00:24:50,790
And he needs to pay for what he did
with the only thing he truly loves!
525
00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:54,085
I'm gonna bite his dick off.
526
00:24:54,168 --> 00:24:55,920
-Oh.
-Wait, did he just say bite?
527
00:24:56,004 --> 00:24:58,715
Yeah, I'm still a little drunk,
but did I just hear you say that you--
528
00:24:58,798 --> 00:25:02,719
I said I'm gonna bite his dick off!
529
00:25:03,511 --> 00:25:05,179
Oh, I'm a hundred percent in for this.
530
00:25:05,263 --> 00:25:06,723
- No, no.
- Bug. Wait.
531
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:07,807
Wait, Reggie, please.
532
00:25:07,890 --> 00:25:10,518
I feel you, I really do,
but this is insane.
533
00:25:10,601 --> 00:25:13,563
Yeah, like, maybe there's
a metaphorical dick you could bite off,
534
00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:17,066
like you could pretend my dick is his dick
and you could give it a stern talking to.
535
00:25:17,150 --> 00:25:19,694
No, his dick. No exceptions.
536
00:25:19,777 --> 00:25:21,738
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity
537
00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:23,573
until he started putting things in boxes.
538
00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,616
- Boxes?
- Oh, shit, that means he's moving soon.
539
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:26,868
- Moving?
- Oh, man.
540
00:25:26,951 --> 00:25:28,369
-What if we're too late?
-Calm down.
541
00:25:28,453 --> 00:25:29,787
We definitely
don't have much time.
542
00:25:29,871 --> 00:25:33,166
Any places, smells, landmarks
you remember on the road to get here?
543
00:25:33,249 --> 00:25:37,378
Uh… I just-- I remember passing
an enormous hamster wheel.
544
00:25:37,462 --> 00:25:38,796
Okay, hamster wheel.
545
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,923
A giant cone that looked like Hunter's.
546
00:25:41,007 --> 00:25:42,383
Giant cone,
looked like Hunter's.
547
00:25:42,467 --> 00:25:44,427
And-- And the devil in the sky.
548
00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:45,887
And the devil in the sky. Boom!
549
00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:49,557
That's basically a road map
right to this guy's custard launcher.
550
00:25:49,641 --> 00:25:51,434
Bug, there's no way. It's impossible.
551
00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:52,685
No, no, no, not quite.
552
00:25:52,769 --> 00:25:55,688
Reggie's got no shot
at making it back in time on his own.
553
00:25:55,772 --> 00:25:59,734
But if we all go, I got the street smarts,
you've got the muscle,
554
00:25:59,817 --> 00:26:03,488
and Maggie's got a sense of smell so good
she can sniff one asshole
555
00:26:03,571 --> 00:26:06,199
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.
556
00:26:06,282 --> 00:26:07,825
- Bunch of nickels.
- Exactly.
557
00:26:07,909 --> 00:26:10,828
-She's incredible.
-Guys, we can do this.
558
00:26:10,912 --> 00:26:12,705
-No, there is no way…
-I'm in.
559
00:26:12,789 --> 00:26:15,291
…I am missing this. Let's do it!
560
00:26:15,375 --> 00:26:16,542
Really?
561
00:26:16,626 --> 00:26:18,670
-You guys would do this for me?
-Hell yeah.
562
00:26:18,753 --> 00:26:20,213
- We got your back, Reg.
- Yeah!
563
00:26:20,296 --> 00:26:23,549
All right, guys. Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside
564
00:26:23,633 --> 00:26:26,970
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.
565
00:26:27,053 --> 00:26:29,597
Fellas, lady,
566
00:26:29,681 --> 00:26:31,099
let's go get some dick!
567
00:26:33,226 --> 00:26:34,894
Howling!
568
00:26:34,978 --> 00:26:36,187
Howl!
569
00:26:36,270 --> 00:26:37,730
Howling!
570
00:26:38,314 --> 00:26:40,692
I'm just not a great howler.
571
00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:45,989
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
572
00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:48,199
♪ Das EFX in this
You know what I'm sayin'? ♪
573
00:26:48,282 --> 00:26:50,952
♪ Straight from the sewer
Word is bond, yeah ♪
574
00:26:51,035 --> 00:26:52,996
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
575
00:26:53,079 --> 00:26:55,540
{\an8}♪ 'Cause I'm bad for your health
I come real stealth ♪
576
00:26:55,623 --> 00:26:57,792
{\an8}♪ Dropping bombs on your moms
Fuck car alarms ♪
577
00:26:57,875 --> 00:27:00,211
♪ Doing foul crime
I'm that brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
578
00:27:00,294 --> 00:27:02,797
♪ Sold it for a six-o
Always let tricks know ♪
579
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,008
♪ And friends know we got the indo ♪
580
00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:08,011
♪ No, I'm not a sucker
Sitting in a House of Pain ♪
581
00:27:08,094 --> 00:27:10,054
♪ And no, I'm not the butler
I'll cut ya ♪
582
00:27:10,138 --> 00:27:12,307
♪ This ain't no fucking motion picture ♪
583
00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:15,268
♪ A guy or bitch-a
I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
584
00:27:15,351 --> 00:27:18,771
♪ Taking that yak to the neck
So you better run a check ♪
585
00:27:18,855 --> 00:27:20,440
{\an8}♪ So come on
and chickity-check yo' self ♪
586
00:27:20,523 --> 00:27:23,109
{\an8}♪ Before you wreck yo' self
Chickity-check yo' self ♪
587
00:27:23,192 --> 00:27:24,652
♪ Before you wreck yo' self, boy ♪
588
00:27:24,736 --> 00:27:26,654
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
589
00:27:26,738 --> 00:27:29,032
♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets
Are bad for your health… ♪
590
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:30,575
Howling!
591
00:27:30,658 --> 00:27:32,452
Howling!
592
00:27:32,535 --> 00:27:33,536
♪ Check it ♪
593
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,459
Why did nobody tell us that dog journeys
are so fucking exhausting?
594
00:27:39,542 --> 00:27:41,294
-Yeah.
-Oh, this is brutal.
595
00:27:41,377 --> 00:27:43,296
I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.
596
00:27:43,379 --> 00:27:44,380
Yeah, I'm hangry.
597
00:27:44,464 --> 00:27:45,548
Yeah, I'm starving.
598
00:27:45,631 --> 00:27:48,134
I just threw up over there,
so there might be something in there
599
00:27:48,217 --> 00:27:50,303
if you wanna give it a-- Okay.
600
00:27:50,386 --> 00:27:52,305
I bet that's some of the pizza
from last night.
601
00:27:52,388 --> 00:27:54,057
Oh, yeah,
lots of good shit in there.
602
00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:55,516
Oh, there's those nickels.
603
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,311
Guys, we gotta keep moving.
You can't miss this thing.
604
00:27:58,394 --> 00:28:01,147
It's like a giant hamster wheel,
but without the hamster.
605
00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:02,690
And it smells like hot dogs.
606
00:28:02,774 --> 00:28:04,567
Smells like hot dogs?
607
00:28:04,651 --> 00:28:06,069
This is her superpower.
608
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:08,029
She's unbelievable. Look at that nose.
609
00:28:08,112 --> 00:28:10,198
- You got something?
- Wait a minute.
610
00:28:10,281 --> 00:28:11,741
Wait, d-do you smell that?
611
00:28:11,824 --> 00:28:13,910
- I just smell plastic.
- Oh, yeah.
612
00:28:13,993 --> 00:28:15,995
Oh. Yeah, I've got it.
613
00:28:16,079 --> 00:28:17,997
She's walking away.
Should we follow her?
614
00:28:18,873 --> 00:28:19,999
I'm gonna follow her.
615
00:28:21,542 --> 00:28:22,377
No, no, no, no, no.
616
00:28:22,460 --> 00:28:24,921
A sausage is the one that looks like shit,
but it don't taste like shit.
617
00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:26,547
Okay, but then what is a hot dog?
618
00:28:26,631 --> 00:28:27,632
Guys. Shh. Drop it.
619
00:28:27,715 --> 00:28:30,510
-Look. What the fuck is this?
-That's it, the giant hamster wheel!
620
00:28:30,593 --> 00:28:32,470
- We're on the right track!
- All right, guys.
621
00:28:32,553 --> 00:28:34,013
We're on a time crunch,
622
00:28:34,097 --> 00:28:36,724
but Hunter's gonna die
if we don't get some food in him, okay?
623
00:28:36,808 --> 00:28:38,309
-Maggie, you hang with Hunter.
-Gotcha.
624
00:28:38,393 --> 00:28:40,144
- Good plan.
- Reg, you know what time it is?
625
00:28:40,228 --> 00:28:42,063
-It's grub time.
-It's gr-- Yeah, grub time.
626
00:28:42,146 --> 00:28:43,564
-Let's get some grub.
-Let's get some grub.
627
00:28:45,483 --> 00:28:47,694
- This fucking place is weird.
- So weird.
628
00:28:47,777 --> 00:28:49,487
I never really
can understand humans, man.
629
00:28:49,570 --> 00:28:52,865
Especially, like, the lighter shade ones.
They some strange motherfuckers.
630
00:28:52,949 --> 00:28:54,450
I was thinking the same thing.
631
00:28:54,993 --> 00:28:57,161
Hey.
632
00:28:59,205 --> 00:29:01,916
Um…
Your dog messed up my shot.
633
00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:05,795
I think he's telling me
I should pay for you to take another one.
634
00:29:06,629 --> 00:29:07,630
Oh, is that right?
635
00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:10,008
Yeah, that's what he was saying.
I promise.
636
00:29:11,217 --> 00:29:14,470
I wouldn't-- I wouldn't make it up,
but he's got good ideas.
637
00:29:14,554 --> 00:29:17,432
I could tell James
felt different about this human girl.
638
00:29:18,057 --> 00:29:20,810
Maybe it was because
she smelled like biscuits.
639
00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:23,313
Or maybe it was because
something about her was special.
640
00:29:23,396 --> 00:29:26,524
Excuse me, do you know where
we can get some food around here?
641
00:29:28,735 --> 00:29:32,613
As I was saying,
James thought he was helping this girl.
642
00:29:32,697 --> 00:29:35,742
But the truth is, she was helping him.
643
00:29:35,825 --> 00:29:37,243
Oh, fuck this bullshit.
644
00:29:37,327 --> 00:29:38,411
Wait, what is he doing?
645
00:29:38,494 --> 00:29:41,164
I've seen this shit before.
He's one of those narrator dogs.
646
00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:45,501
Hey! No one's listening to your lame
human story, you fucking dumbass!
647
00:29:49,088 --> 00:29:51,341
Sadly, the little dog was right.
648
00:29:51,424 --> 00:29:54,177
No one was listening to my story.
649
00:29:54,260 --> 00:29:57,055
Which is too bad,
because I'm the only one who knows
650
00:29:57,138 --> 00:29:59,849
James is a cold-blooded serial killer.
651
00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:03,561
He's got three bodies buried
in the backyard already.
652
00:30:03,645 --> 00:30:05,938
But I guess no one's interested.
653
00:30:06,022 --> 00:30:07,273
I can't believe that dog.
654
00:30:07,357 --> 00:30:09,942
He was so obsessed with his owner,
he didn't even acknowledge us.
655
00:30:10,026 --> 00:30:12,153
I'm gonna tell ya, kid,
the moment they leash you up,
656
00:30:12,236 --> 00:30:14,697
snip your balls,
is the moment they got you by them.
657
00:30:14,781 --> 00:30:17,825
-Hold on. They snip your balls?
-Oh, yeah.
658
00:30:17,909 --> 00:30:20,912
And I think they're collecting those too,
to put in the chocolate.
659
00:30:20,995 --> 00:30:23,039
- Get your hot dogs here!
- Oh, shit! Look!
660
00:30:23,122 --> 00:30:24,123
I got jumbo dogs!
661
00:30:24,207 --> 00:30:26,042
Okay, here's the plan.
You grab the sausages,
662
00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:28,670
and I'll go over there
and fuck the guy's leg as a distraction.
663
00:30:28,753 --> 00:30:29,962
And break!
664
00:30:30,505 --> 00:30:33,966
I don't think fucking the guy's leg
is necessary,
665
00:30:34,050 --> 00:30:36,135
but I see you've already started.
All right.
666
00:30:36,219 --> 00:30:37,804
Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
667
00:30:37,887 --> 00:30:40,139
- Bunny!
- You won!
668
00:30:40,223 --> 00:30:41,849
I can't believe I won!
669
00:30:41,933 --> 00:30:43,643
Oh, look at that toy bunny.
670
00:30:43,726 --> 00:30:47,438
You know, it hasn't even been a day yet,
but I really miss toys.
671
00:30:47,522 --> 00:30:48,856
Jenna had some good ones.
672
00:30:48,940 --> 00:30:52,735
I'd rip that shit apart until I found
that squeaky toy in the middle.
673
00:30:52,819 --> 00:30:54,654
Ugh.
I miss squeaky toys too.
674
00:30:54,737 --> 00:30:56,906
But of course, I only got to play
with those squeak toys
675
00:30:56,990 --> 00:30:57,991
if I was a good girl,
676
00:30:58,074 --> 00:31:01,035
and I smiled the right way
for her stupid freaking selfies.
677
00:31:01,119 --> 00:31:03,913
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.
678
00:31:03,997 --> 00:31:06,666
Honestly, I had to go to spin around
in a perfect circle like this,
679
00:31:06,749 --> 00:31:09,544
move into a "I'm so fuckable" pose
with my paws crossed.
680
00:31:09,627 --> 00:31:11,713
And I'd have to stand up straight,
paws up.
681
00:31:11,796 --> 00:31:13,673
I have to show all my tits.
682
00:31:13,756 --> 00:31:16,134
Yeah. Right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
683
00:31:16,217 --> 00:31:18,803
I mean, uh, that-that--
that's-- that's weird.
684
00:31:18,886 --> 00:31:20,596
Wait, uh, there they are.
685
00:31:21,306 --> 00:31:23,808
You know, Maggie,
there's, um…
686
00:31:23,891 --> 00:31:27,186
There's so much more
to like about you than just your looks.
687
00:31:27,270 --> 00:31:28,521
You think so?
688
00:31:28,604 --> 00:31:32,608
Sure. I mean, you are hands down
the best sniffer I've ever met.
689
00:31:32,692 --> 00:31:33,693
Huh.
690
00:31:33,776 --> 00:31:35,737
But you're also smart,
and you can jump high,
691
00:31:35,820 --> 00:31:37,947
and you know like nine human words.
692
00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:39,032
That's insane.
693
00:31:39,115 --> 00:31:41,617
I actually know 31.
But thank you.
694
00:31:41,701 --> 00:31:43,870
Honestly, I'd have to list
about 20 more things
695
00:31:43,953 --> 00:31:46,956
before I even got to anything to do
with how beautiful you are.
696
00:31:49,167 --> 00:31:52,462
Um… I'm sorry,
that was too much.
697
00:31:52,545 --> 00:31:55,256
No, that-- that means a lot to me.
698
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,384
You know,
you're a really good listener.
699
00:31:58,468 --> 00:32:02,013
Oh, that's because all the sound funnels
through the cone right to my ears.
700
00:32:02,096 --> 00:32:04,140
No, I didn't-- Never mind.
701
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:05,266
Wait, wait, what?
702
00:32:05,350 --> 00:32:07,060
Have you ever thought about--
703
00:32:07,143 --> 00:32:09,520
about taking the cone off
for a little while?
704
00:32:09,604 --> 00:32:11,397
Just to-- Just to see?
705
00:32:11,481 --> 00:32:14,150
-No.
-I bet you'd look really handsome.
706
00:32:15,318 --> 00:32:16,611
Really?
707
00:32:17,403 --> 00:32:18,404
Yeah.
708
00:32:19,572 --> 00:32:21,991
- That's how you do it, Reg, baby.
- That was awesome!
709
00:32:22,075 --> 00:32:24,077
Oh, wait a minute, okay.
What's this vibe?
710
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,079
- No.
- What? Oh, nothing. Nothing.
711
00:32:26,162 --> 00:32:27,622
-What vibe? There is no vibe.
-What vibe?
712
00:32:27,705 --> 00:32:30,208
Your boner implies that there's a vibe.
713
00:32:30,291 --> 00:32:33,294
Oh, you know,
that's because our friendship…
714
00:32:33,378 --> 00:32:34,796
…got me erect.
715
00:32:34,879 --> 00:32:36,506
Yeah, it was a friend boner.
716
00:32:36,589 --> 00:32:38,466
Then why don't you get boners for us?
717
00:32:38,549 --> 00:32:40,885
I mean, uh…
…are we not your friends?
718
00:32:40,969 --> 00:32:43,554
What? No, no.
You guys get me hard all the time.
719
00:32:44,389 --> 00:32:47,058
Hunter, that's about the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
720
00:32:47,141 --> 00:32:49,644
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?
721
00:32:49,727 --> 00:32:50,853
We took 'em from a human.
722
00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:53,815
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?
723
00:32:53,898 --> 00:32:56,234
Relax. Grow back some testicles.
724
00:32:56,317 --> 00:32:57,944
Ain't nobody saw.
725
00:33:00,113 --> 00:33:01,447
God saw!
726
00:33:01,531 --> 00:33:03,324
God sees everything!
727
00:33:03,408 --> 00:33:05,201
Run!
728
00:33:05,284 --> 00:33:07,370
{\an8}- We're under attack!
- Save yourselves!
729
00:33:07,453 --> 00:33:08,538
{\an8}We gotta find cover!
730
00:33:08,621 --> 00:33:10,999
{\an8}The whole fucking place is gonna blow!
731
00:33:11,082 --> 00:33:13,793
{\an8}- Move! Move!
- Oh, God!
732
00:33:13,876 --> 00:33:15,795
We're all gonna die!
733
00:33:15,878 --> 00:33:17,505
Mama!
734
00:33:17,588 --> 00:33:19,465
Wow.
735
00:33:21,050 --> 00:33:22,510
Stay low!
736
00:33:22,593 --> 00:33:25,388
- They've got us surrounded!
- Go, go, go!
737
00:33:25,471 --> 00:33:27,849
- They're coming after us!
- This way, hurry!
738
00:33:27,932 --> 00:33:29,642
It's so loud inside the cone!
739
00:33:32,228 --> 00:33:33,521
- Oh, shit!
- No!
740
00:33:33,604 --> 00:33:35,148
- Oh, no, no!
- We gotta get over.
741
00:33:35,231 --> 00:33:37,066
Over here. We gotta dig!
742
00:33:37,150 --> 00:33:38,693
- We gotta dig!
- Dig! Dig faster!
743
00:33:38,776 --> 00:33:40,361
Hunter! Maggie! Help us dig!
744
00:33:40,445 --> 00:33:42,697
- What? What's going on?
- Come on, Maggie! Dig!
745
00:33:42,780 --> 00:33:44,115
You said you love digging!
746
00:33:44,198 --> 00:33:46,743
I lied! I hate digging!
747
00:33:46,826 --> 00:33:48,202
There we go. Okay, let's go!
748
00:33:48,286 --> 00:33:50,913
- I hate how the dirt feels under my nails!
- Come on, let's go!
749
00:33:50,997 --> 00:33:54,000
Wait, wait! Guys! I'm stuck!
My bandana's stuck!
750
00:33:54,876 --> 00:33:55,877
Ah!
751
00:33:56,669 --> 00:33:58,254
-Oh, no!
-Reggie!
752
00:33:58,338 --> 00:34:00,298
- Reggie, no!
- Reggie! Come on, buddy!
753
00:34:00,381 --> 00:34:01,466
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
754
00:34:01,549 --> 00:34:03,009
No, no, no. Get out of here.
755
00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:04,218
I-It's too late for me.
756
00:34:04,302 --> 00:34:05,928
Listen to me! It's not too late.
757
00:34:06,012 --> 00:34:07,722
No. Save yourself.
758
00:34:07,805 --> 00:34:10,475
And tell Doug
I wanted to bite his dick off.
759
00:34:11,267 --> 00:34:13,311
Bite it for me, if you can.
760
00:34:13,394 --> 00:34:15,438
Look at me. You're gonna live.
761
00:34:15,521 --> 00:34:18,691
And you're gonna bite that dick yourself.
762
00:34:19,901 --> 00:34:21,361
Hunter, the fence!
763
00:34:22,987 --> 00:34:24,280
Here, check this out.
764
00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:26,449
Come on!
765
00:34:26,532 --> 00:34:28,660
Holy shit, they have a bomb!
766
00:34:29,827 --> 00:34:32,705
-Come on, Reggie!
-Come on! Come on, Reg!
767
00:34:35,999 --> 00:34:38,711
- Almost free! I'm almost free!
- Come on, Reggie!
768
00:34:38,795 --> 00:34:40,171
- Ah!
- Come on, let's go!
769
00:34:41,673 --> 00:34:43,675
- Move, move!
- Come on, guys, let's go!
770
00:34:48,554 --> 00:34:50,139
Oh, well. Uh…
771
00:34:51,265 --> 00:34:52,432
You guys wanna kiss a little?
772
00:34:53,767 --> 00:34:55,769
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
773
00:34:55,853 --> 00:34:57,522
Guys, that was crazy!
774
00:34:57,604 --> 00:34:59,565
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.
775
00:34:59,649 --> 00:35:02,610
Bug… …you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.
776
00:35:02,694 --> 00:35:04,696
I did! I literally did that.
777
00:35:04,779 --> 00:35:06,280
- Oh, God!
- He did. I stepped in it.
778
00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:11,119
-Reg, you okay?
-It's nothing. It's just--
779
00:35:11,619 --> 00:35:13,371
You guys risked your life for me.
780
00:35:13,454 --> 00:35:16,874
Bug, you saved me.
I never thought anyone would do that.
781
00:35:16,958 --> 00:35:18,459
Of course we would.
782
00:35:18,543 --> 00:35:21,004
Come on!
You're part of the pack, Reggie.
783
00:35:21,087 --> 00:35:22,630
- We stick together.
- That's right.
784
00:35:22,714 --> 00:35:24,424
I've never been part of a pack before.
785
00:35:24,507 --> 00:35:26,968
-Well, you are now.
-I didn't even know that was a thing.
786
00:35:28,177 --> 00:35:29,929
- We'll make it a thing.
- Yeah.
787
00:35:30,013 --> 00:35:32,724
So, I kind of have a weird idea.
788
00:35:33,474 --> 00:35:35,268
Could-- Could we maybe…
789
00:35:36,227 --> 00:35:39,105
- …pee on each other?
- Say what now?
790
00:35:39,731 --> 00:35:42,734
Well, you said that when you pee
on something, that it's yours.
791
00:35:42,817 --> 00:35:45,695
I just thought that since we're all,
like, friends now, we could--
792
00:35:45,778 --> 00:35:48,781
Pee on each other,
so we belong to each other?
793
00:35:48,865 --> 00:35:49,907
Yeah.
794
00:35:49,991 --> 00:35:52,076
It was a stupid idea.
795
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,455
Jenna would be so mad
if I came home covered in urine.
796
00:35:57,081 --> 00:35:58,333
Let's fucking do it.
797
00:35:58,416 --> 00:36:00,543
Oh. We're doing it. Okay.
Why don't we do, like, a circle…
798
00:36:00,626 --> 00:36:02,962
-Yeah. Let's lift our left leg.
-Get to the starboard side.
799
00:36:03,046 --> 00:36:05,465
- Yeah, we'll lift our left leg.
- There we go. Left leg is good.
800
00:36:05,548 --> 00:36:07,884
- Good, I get to pee on Bug.
- Left leg is good.
801
00:36:09,969 --> 00:36:12,055
- Whoa.
- This isn't just warming my body,
802
00:36:12,138 --> 00:36:13,306
it's warming my heart.
803
00:36:13,389 --> 00:36:14,599
- Aw.
- Wow.
804
00:36:14,682 --> 00:36:16,559
I guess this makes us family now.
805
00:36:16,643 --> 00:36:18,603
- Yeah, we're BFFs.
- Yeah.
806
00:36:18,686 --> 00:36:21,314
Even better, we're Pee-FFs.
807
00:36:21,397 --> 00:36:23,316
Pee-FFs! I love it.
808
00:36:23,399 --> 00:36:25,818
- Yeah. Love that.
- Oh, Bug!
809
00:36:25,902 --> 00:36:27,862
You look happy!
810
00:36:27,945 --> 00:36:29,864
What are you talking about, I look happy?
I'm just smiling
811
00:36:29,947 --> 00:36:31,699
because we're all sitting here
pissing on each other,
812
00:36:31,783 --> 00:36:34,243
so it just-- I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.
813
00:36:34,327 --> 00:36:35,828
- You love us!
- You love us!
814
00:36:35,912 --> 00:36:37,288
- Okay, that's it.
- That's right.
815
00:36:37,372 --> 00:36:38,748
-You do, Bug.
-That's my cue to go to bed.
816
00:36:38,831 --> 00:36:40,500
- Come on, Bug.
- Look, listen.
817
00:36:40,583 --> 00:36:43,461
We got a lot of walking to do
and not much time to do it.
818
00:36:43,544 --> 00:36:44,671
Let's get some sleep.
819
00:36:45,171 --> 00:36:46,881
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
820
00:36:50,593 --> 00:36:52,679
-Go back the other way.
-Better the other way. Let me…
821
00:36:52,762 --> 00:36:54,347
Have you tried sniffing the ground?
822
00:36:54,430 --> 00:36:55,890
Fucked that one up.
823
00:36:55,974 --> 00:36:56,975
You gotta reset yourself.
824
00:36:57,058 --> 00:36:58,768
Go back 90 degrees.
You were so close.
825
00:36:58,851 --> 00:36:59,852
Now sit down.
826
00:36:59,936 --> 00:37:01,354
That'll do. That'll do.
827
00:37:01,437 --> 00:37:03,231
All right, finally, good.
Time for bed.
828
00:37:03,314 --> 00:37:05,024
- Let's get some sleep.
- Okay.
829
00:37:05,108 --> 00:37:06,943
- And quick turn… It's time to go…
- Wait, hang on.
830
00:37:07,026 --> 00:37:09,487
One turn. Two turns. Three turns.
831
00:37:09,570 --> 00:37:11,072
Oh, God. Bug's really fucked with my head.
832
00:37:11,155 --> 00:37:13,616
- Turn. There, and that's it.
- Five, four,
833
00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:15,785
- three, two, one.
- Again. Okay. Now I'm ready.
834
00:37:15,868 --> 00:37:18,121
There. I did it. Easy.
835
00:37:18,204 --> 00:37:19,455
And get down.
836
00:37:20,999 --> 00:37:22,250
I'm getting much faster at that.
837
00:37:23,876 --> 00:37:25,378
-Good night, everyone.
-Good night, Reg.
838
00:37:25,461 --> 00:37:26,546
Good night, Reggie.
839
00:37:26,629 --> 00:37:28,339
Thanks again for letting me pee
on you guys.
840
00:37:28,423 --> 00:37:29,257
- Reggie?
- Yeah?
841
00:37:29,340 --> 00:37:30,591
Could you stop fucking talking?
842
00:37:30,675 --> 00:37:32,135
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- All right.
843
00:37:41,936 --> 00:37:45,189
Okay, guys. Big day today.
Next up is the giant cone.
844
00:37:45,273 --> 00:37:47,442
I don't know what kind of cone
we're gonna find out here.
845
00:37:47,525 --> 00:37:49,944
It can't be too hard to find.
It's gigantic.
846
00:37:50,028 --> 00:37:51,821
All I see is trees, but whatever.
847
00:37:51,904 --> 00:37:54,782
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?
848
00:37:54,866 --> 00:37:56,242
Uh, sorry, d-do what?
849
00:37:56,326 --> 00:37:58,036
-Bite Doug's dick off.
-Oh.
850
00:37:58,119 --> 00:38:00,538
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?
851
00:38:00,621 --> 00:38:01,748
Gosh, I don't know.
852
00:38:01,831 --> 00:38:04,250
You know, I've never bitten off
a dick before.
853
00:38:04,334 --> 00:38:06,377
I guess I'll let it just come to me
in the moment.
854
00:38:06,461 --> 00:38:08,129
So, at what point of this trip
855
00:38:08,212 --> 00:38:10,923
are you gonna build up a little BDE
and make a move, huh?
856
00:38:11,007 --> 00:38:12,342
-With Maggie?
-Yes, Maggie--
857
00:38:12,425 --> 00:38:14,927
No, with this mossy stump.
What the fuck you think I'm talking about?
858
00:38:15,011 --> 00:38:16,888
No way.
She wouldn't go for me.
859
00:38:16,971 --> 00:38:19,265
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,
860
00:38:19,349 --> 00:38:20,642
but for now, we're just friends.
861
00:38:20,725 --> 00:38:22,435
What are you talking about,
opening up doors?
862
00:38:22,518 --> 00:38:25,605
We don't have thumbs.
You gotta knock the fucking door down.
863
00:38:25,688 --> 00:38:28,232
Yeah, but who would want to date
a failed police dog
864
00:38:28,316 --> 00:38:30,193
who wears a cone 24/7?
865
00:38:30,276 --> 00:38:33,279
Aw, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.
866
00:38:34,322 --> 00:38:37,700
You know, Reggie,
that you don't have to do it, right?
867
00:38:37,784 --> 00:38:39,827
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.
868
00:38:39,911 --> 00:38:42,914
I'm gonna get all over that dick.
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm.
869
00:38:42,997 --> 00:38:45,958
Yeah, but you could just, you know,
move on from Doug,
870
00:38:46,042 --> 00:38:48,252
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.
871
00:38:48,336 --> 00:38:49,712
You could always just let it go.
872
00:38:49,796 --> 00:38:51,464
I-I'm not--
873
00:38:51,547 --> 00:38:53,758
No. Not just gonna let it go.
874
00:38:53,841 --> 00:38:56,803
All right, look, you failed doggy school
'cause you was a wuss,
875
00:38:56,886 --> 00:38:59,013
but there's nothing we can do
about your past.
876
00:38:59,097 --> 00:39:02,433
We might, however, be able
to get that thing off your head.
877
00:39:02,517 --> 00:39:04,143
This? No. No, you can't.
878
00:39:04,227 --> 00:39:06,646
Sure we can.
If we all pull together, we can--
879
00:39:06,729 --> 00:39:08,731
No, I mean, I need it.
880
00:39:08,815 --> 00:39:10,900
I keep it on intentionally.
881
00:39:10,984 --> 00:39:12,276
Wait, really?
882
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,153
I assumed it was, like, you know,
a medical thing.
883
00:39:14,237 --> 00:39:15,488
Oh, it is.
884
00:39:15,571 --> 00:39:16,990
I'll do anything to keep it on,
885
00:39:17,073 --> 00:39:19,575
and most self-inflicted injuries
will do the trick.
886
00:39:19,659 --> 00:39:22,537
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,
887
00:39:22,620 --> 00:39:26,416
lick my testicles for hours and hours
until the humans get concerned.
888
00:39:26,499 --> 00:39:29,002
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,
889
00:39:29,085 --> 00:39:31,671
and the cone helps me
block things out.
890
00:39:32,672 --> 00:39:34,090
What are you guys talking about?
891
00:39:34,173 --> 00:39:36,301
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know, same old, same old.
892
00:39:36,384 --> 00:39:38,886
I'm telling him he's got to
get that big dick energy.
893
00:39:38,970 --> 00:39:41,556
-Bug!
-Well, you've got the first part down.
894
00:39:41,639 --> 00:39:43,891
Thanks for complimenting my penis, Maggie.
895
00:39:43,975 --> 00:39:45,852
You know, your vagina's huge too.
896
00:39:45,935 --> 00:39:48,229
-Seriously?
-Shit. Why did I say that?
897
00:39:50,940 --> 00:39:52,692
- Reg, let me ask you something.
- Yeah?
898
00:39:52,775 --> 00:39:54,944
How sure are you
that the big cone is this way?
899
00:39:55,028 --> 00:39:56,362
I don't know.
900
00:39:56,446 --> 00:40:00,116
On a scale of "sure" to "not sure,"
I'm pretty sure…
901
00:40:02,285 --> 00:40:04,120
that I'm not really sure.
That, I'm sure of.
902
00:40:04,203 --> 00:40:05,705
Holy shit! We're lost.
903
00:40:05,788 --> 00:40:07,123
- Great.
- I knew this would happen.
904
00:40:07,206 --> 00:40:10,084
Calm down, Bug. We'll figure it out.
This could be a lot worse.
905
00:40:10,168 --> 00:40:11,210
Oh, really, Hunter?
906
00:40:11,294 --> 00:40:13,296
I'm starving,
we're completely fucking lost,
907
00:40:13,379 --> 00:40:15,965
and my little puppy paw pads
are really hurting right now.
908
00:40:16,049 --> 00:40:18,092
- Aw.
- So how exactly could this get worse?
909
00:40:19,218 --> 00:40:20,762
Huh? How could it? Tell me. Huh?
910
00:40:20,845 --> 00:40:21,971
How could it get worse?
911
00:40:23,598 --> 00:40:24,599
Oh, oh, oh!
912
00:40:24,682 --> 00:40:25,725
Bug!
913
00:40:25,808 --> 00:40:27,810
- Why did I say it could get a lot worse?
- Oh, shit!
914
00:40:27,894 --> 00:40:30,188
Please, please, don't drop me!
Don't eat me! None of that!
915
00:40:30,271 --> 00:40:33,149
- That eagle has some good timing.
- Bug! Hold on, buddy!
916
00:40:33,232 --> 00:40:34,567
Reg! Reggie! Guys, help me!
917
00:40:34,651 --> 00:40:36,778
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!
918
00:40:36,861 --> 00:40:38,988
What are you talking about?
I don't speak bird.
919
00:40:39,072 --> 00:40:40,865
- We're in a real pickle!
- Help, help, help.
920
00:40:40,948 --> 00:40:42,450
Do something. Somebody do something!
921
00:40:42,533 --> 00:40:43,660
Oh! Oh, God!
922
00:40:47,997 --> 00:40:49,540
Yes! No!
923
00:40:49,624 --> 00:40:51,250
This is fucking crazy,
we're going higher!
924
00:40:51,334 --> 00:40:53,836
- Hold on, buddy!
- Reggie! Bug!
925
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,798
Oh, wow,
your balls look huge from this angle.
926
00:40:56,881 --> 00:40:59,759
Thank you. But holy fuck!
927
00:41:00,677 --> 00:41:04,055
That is a golden-cheeked warbler.
928
00:41:04,847 --> 00:41:06,265
I've been missing that one.
929
00:41:07,517 --> 00:41:08,518
Uh…
930
00:41:09,811 --> 00:41:10,812
Mmm.
931
00:41:13,356 --> 00:41:14,357
Check.
932
00:41:21,990 --> 00:41:23,908
Holy shit.
933
00:41:24,575 --> 00:41:27,745
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.
934
00:41:29,288 --> 00:41:33,001
And I'm Dennis Quaid,
and Dennis Quaid has seen some shit.
935
00:41:33,543 --> 00:41:35,086
{\an8}-Let me down, bitch!
-Bug, look!
936
00:41:35,169 --> 00:41:36,838
{\an8}Over there! The giant cone!
937
00:41:36,921 --> 00:41:38,631
{\an8}- What?
- The giant cone!
938
00:41:38,715 --> 00:41:40,550
Oh, the cone! Well, shit.
939
00:41:40,633 --> 00:41:43,177
That would be great news
if we weren't stuck to this fucking bird!
940
00:41:44,095 --> 00:41:46,889
Bug! I got an idea. Hang on!
941
00:41:46,973 --> 00:41:49,517
Reg, what are you doing?
942
00:41:50,101 --> 00:41:52,520
Oh, God! That's bold!
943
00:41:53,646 --> 00:41:54,981
It's too bold!
944
00:41:56,190 --> 00:41:57,650
Here we go!
945
00:42:01,404 --> 00:42:03,489
-Well, shit-- Ow!
-Ah!
946
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,786
Reggie! Bug!
947
00:42:08,870 --> 00:42:10,955
- Ah! Help! Shit.
- Ah! Branch!
948
00:42:11,039 --> 00:42:12,081
Smaller branch!
949
00:42:12,165 --> 00:42:13,166
Fuck!
950
00:42:15,793 --> 00:42:16,794
Shit--
951
00:42:16,878 --> 00:42:17,879
Goddamn--
952
00:42:19,255 --> 00:42:22,675
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario amount of branches.
953
00:42:22,759 --> 00:42:24,886
- Branch!
- Paws! Paws! Paws!
954
00:42:24,969 --> 00:42:26,596
- Neck!
- Tail!
955
00:42:28,931 --> 00:42:30,808
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
956
00:42:30,892 --> 00:42:32,560
I did not mean to barge in like this.
957
00:42:32,644 --> 00:42:33,853
What, are you guys wrestling?
958
00:42:33,936 --> 00:42:34,937
Shit!
959
00:42:36,105 --> 00:42:37,398
Bug!
960
00:42:38,566 --> 00:42:40,151
- Reggie!
- You're alive!
961
00:42:40,234 --> 00:42:43,237
Oh, fuck.
Got a stick up my ass.
962
00:42:43,321 --> 00:42:45,823
Well, Hunter was right.
That could have been worse.
963
00:42:45,907 --> 00:42:47,492
Just get the fuck out of the bush.
964
00:42:47,575 --> 00:42:50,203
Reggie,
you are once again a legend.
965
00:42:50,286 --> 00:42:51,371
Guys, that was epic.
966
00:42:51,454 --> 00:42:53,414
Fucking leaves. Get off me!
967
00:42:53,498 --> 00:42:55,625
Guys! You wouldn't believe it.
We saw the giant cone.
968
00:42:55,708 --> 00:42:56,834
- What?
- Yeah, we did.
969
00:42:56,918 --> 00:42:58,169
-Really?
-That's amazing.
970
00:42:58,252 --> 00:42:59,879
That means we're heading
in the right direction.
971
00:42:59,962 --> 00:43:01,130
Yeah, and not to be cheesy,
972
00:43:01,214 --> 00:43:04,384
but being up in the sky like that
just moments from my death,
973
00:43:05,343 --> 00:43:07,470
I-- I learned something about life.
974
00:43:07,553 --> 00:43:08,513
-What's that?
-What?
975
00:43:08,596 --> 00:43:10,431
Birds don't have genitals.
976
00:43:11,307 --> 00:43:12,725
Well, then how do they…
977
00:43:12,809 --> 00:43:16,688
I don't know.
Maybe they have both parts inside.
978
00:43:17,271 --> 00:43:19,065
So if you were to say
"go fuck yourself,"
979
00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:21,317
they could actually do it.
980
00:43:22,652 --> 00:43:24,320
Um, okay, then.
981
00:43:24,404 --> 00:43:27,407
So, hey, next up is the devil in the sky.
982
00:43:29,617 --> 00:43:30,785
Howling.
983
00:43:30,868 --> 00:43:32,704
Come on, guys. We're over halfway there.
984
00:43:32,787 --> 00:43:34,163
My howl's getting better.
985
00:43:34,247 --> 00:43:36,207
- You guys hear that?
- Good on you. I'm so proud.
986
00:43:36,290 --> 00:43:37,375
- Hey, man.
- Yeah?
987
00:43:37,458 --> 00:43:38,918
I really appreciate what you did up there.
988
00:43:39,585 --> 00:43:43,464
I mean, no need to pee on each other
or anything like that, but thanks.
989
00:43:43,548 --> 00:43:45,967
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
990
00:43:46,050 --> 00:43:47,093
We stick together.
991
00:43:47,802 --> 00:43:50,680
All right, all right. Enough.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.
992
00:43:55,143 --> 00:43:58,771
Okay, okay. Never have I ever
gone down on a girl dog.
993
00:43:58,855 --> 00:44:00,064
Really? Seriously?
994
00:44:00,148 --> 00:44:02,150
- You guys lick your balls all day.
- No, no.
995
00:44:02,233 --> 00:44:03,443
That's different.
996
00:44:03,526 --> 00:44:05,403
- How is it different?
- It's way different.
997
00:44:05,486 --> 00:44:06,404
Bones to biscuits.
998
00:44:06,487 --> 00:44:08,156
I can't believe that I'm the only one.
999
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:09,574
What, you went down on a--
1000
00:44:09,657 --> 00:44:11,743
I was experimenting.
Come on, I was in my twos.
1001
00:44:11,826 --> 00:44:13,202
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's the twos.
1002
00:44:13,286 --> 00:44:14,495
Oh, like a rumspringa.
1003
00:44:14,579 --> 00:44:16,873
♪ Living in this big blue world… ♪
1004
00:44:16,956 --> 00:44:20,543
Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or--
1005
00:44:20,626 --> 00:44:22,795
- Eat poop.
- Eat poop. Definitely eat poop.
1006
00:44:22,879 --> 00:44:24,172
Okay,
but I didn't even get to--
1007
00:44:24,255 --> 00:44:25,631
It doesn't matter.
I like poop.
1008
00:44:26,883 --> 00:44:29,260
So, question.
When dogs have sex from behind…
1009
00:44:29,344 --> 00:44:31,054
- Okay, okay…
- …what's the style?
1010
00:44:31,137 --> 00:44:33,056
- That's just regular style.
- Regular style.
1011
00:44:33,139 --> 00:44:34,974
Is there another style
or do we only have one?
1012
00:44:35,058 --> 00:44:37,935
I only know one style of fucking,
and I've been doing it my whole life.
1013
00:44:38,019 --> 00:44:39,187
Then what's human style?
1014
00:44:39,270 --> 00:44:41,522
In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog
1015
00:44:41,606 --> 00:44:43,358
and the girl pretends to be the couch.
1016
00:44:43,441 --> 00:44:46,110
- It's very complicated.
- Wow, that is complicated.
1017
00:44:46,194 --> 00:44:47,987
Every species is different.
1018
00:44:49,489 --> 00:44:52,283
♪ Two, four, six, eight
Who do we appreciate… ♪
1019
00:44:52,367 --> 00:44:54,160
All right, I've got a joke.
Knock, knock.
1020
00:44:55,161 --> 00:44:56,621
No.
You gotta ask, "Who's there?"
1021
00:44:56,704 --> 00:44:58,706
- Okay. Got it, got it.
- Knock, knock.
1022
00:45:00,124 --> 00:45:02,669
Guys, stop. You won't even
let me get to the joke part.
1023
00:45:02,752 --> 00:45:04,837
Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.
1024
00:45:04,921 --> 00:45:06,714
Nothing funny
about a stranger at the door.
1025
00:45:06,798 --> 00:45:08,466
Ugh. You guys are fucking morons.
1026
00:45:09,258 --> 00:45:12,220
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K… ♪
1027
00:45:16,099 --> 00:45:19,477
- You guys got anything yet?
- No. Man, and I'm starving.
1028
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,896
Anything edible over there?
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1029
00:45:21,980 --> 00:45:23,398
No, just squirrel poops.
1030
00:45:23,481 --> 00:45:26,359
No, I can't eat no more of that shit.
That goes right through me.
1031
00:45:26,442 --> 00:45:28,319
Hey, I think I got something.
1032
00:45:28,945 --> 00:45:30,071
What do you got?
1033
00:45:34,158 --> 00:45:36,202
-What are those?
-Kind of looks like food.
1034
00:45:36,285 --> 00:45:37,704
I don't know.
1035
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,040
- Let me get at it.
- Mmm. It's not too bad.
1036
00:45:41,124 --> 00:45:43,251
- I'm down to clown.
- How many of these should we eat?
1037
00:45:43,334 --> 00:45:45,336
- All of them?
- Yeah, that makes sense.
1038
00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:47,005
These are so good. Mmm.
1039
00:45:47,088 --> 00:45:48,297
Ooh, this one's spicy.
1040
00:45:48,381 --> 00:45:49,966
Mmm.
Kinda nutty, right?
1041
00:45:57,223 --> 00:45:59,350
All right.
1042
00:45:59,434 --> 00:46:02,979
That should hold us. Solid dinner. Mmm.
1043
00:46:03,062 --> 00:46:04,605
All right, let's get moving.
1044
00:46:04,689 --> 00:46:06,899
Oh, shit. Gimme a sec.
1045
00:46:06,983 --> 00:46:08,526
Whoa. Whoa.
1046
00:46:08,609 --> 00:46:09,944
What the fuck?
1047
00:46:19,245 --> 00:46:21,539
Hunter, your cone.
1048
00:46:21,622 --> 00:46:24,667
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.
1049
00:46:24,751 --> 00:46:26,627
No, no. It's growing.
1050
00:46:26,711 --> 00:46:29,714
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1051
00:46:29,797 --> 00:46:31,799
- Bug.
- No.
1052
00:46:31,883 --> 00:46:33,885
Bug!
1053
00:46:33,968 --> 00:46:35,136
Can't be.
1054
00:46:37,013 --> 00:46:38,014
Dolores!
1055
00:46:38,598 --> 00:46:41,142
-Hello, Bug.
-What you doing out here?
1056
00:46:41,225 --> 00:46:42,435
We need to talk.
1057
00:46:42,518 --> 00:46:44,937
Wait, Maggie. You look different.
1058
00:46:45,021 --> 00:46:46,022
Really?
1059
00:46:46,105 --> 00:46:48,441
Oh, shit, you look different too.
1060
00:46:48,524 --> 00:46:50,693
-How so?
-Um, you're kinda…
1061
00:46:50,777 --> 00:46:52,195
Is it my human hands?
1062
00:46:53,946 --> 00:46:56,324
- Do you think I could play piano now?
- Definitely.
1063
00:47:02,121 --> 00:47:03,122
Doug?
1064
00:47:03,790 --> 00:47:04,791
Hey, Reggie!
1065
00:47:04,874 --> 00:47:07,710
Doug! How's it going?
1066
00:47:07,794 --> 00:47:09,379
Not great. Yeah.
1067
00:47:09,462 --> 00:47:10,838
Just giving it one last shave,
1068
00:47:10,922 --> 00:47:13,800
'cause word on the street
is you're planning to bite it off.
1069
00:47:13,883 --> 00:47:15,843
Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise.
1070
00:47:15,927 --> 00:47:16,928
Who told you?
1071
00:47:17,011 --> 00:47:19,013
Sorry, Daddy.
1072
00:47:19,097 --> 00:47:21,349
Oh! My son, the gnome.
1073
00:47:21,432 --> 00:47:22,850
-We're done, Bug.
-What?
1074
00:47:22,934 --> 00:47:25,228
-I'm seeing someone else now.
-Who?
1075
00:47:26,145 --> 00:47:27,647
You kidding me? Him?
1076
00:47:27,730 --> 00:47:29,148
Hey! Go fuck yourself, man!
1077
00:47:32,235 --> 00:47:33,695
Dolores, come back!
1078
00:47:33,778 --> 00:47:35,071
He yelled to the sky.
1079
00:47:35,154 --> 00:47:37,031
But what Bug didn't realize--
1080
00:47:37,115 --> 00:47:39,450
-Fuck you, narrator dog!
-He said.
1081
00:47:39,534 --> 00:47:41,035
Stop saying "he said."
1082
00:47:42,412 --> 00:47:43,454
He replied.
1083
00:47:43,538 --> 00:47:45,915
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.
1084
00:47:46,708 --> 00:47:51,462
I just wanted you to be…
…a good boy.
1085
00:47:51,546 --> 00:47:53,589
All I ever wanted was to be a good boy.
1086
00:47:53,673 --> 00:47:54,882
Goodbye, Reggie.
1087
00:47:57,135 --> 00:47:58,886
Wait, Doug! Come back!
1088
00:47:58,970 --> 00:48:02,265
-Whoa, whoa. What's that smell?
-Wait, wh-what?
1089
00:48:02,348 --> 00:48:04,225
It's coming from over here.
1090
00:48:04,309 --> 00:48:06,978
Hunter, are you seeing this?
1091
00:48:07,061 --> 00:48:08,521
- Toys.
- Toys!
1092
00:48:08,604 --> 00:48:10,773
Guys, get in here! Get over here!
1093
00:48:12,650 --> 00:48:15,153
- Reg, pull this one with me.
- -It's so squishy!
1094
00:48:15,236 --> 00:48:17,613
- Oh, fluffy!
- -I can't feel my snout.
1095
00:48:17,697 --> 00:48:19,615
Oh! Toys everywhere!
1096
00:48:22,035 --> 00:48:24,370
I don't want this day to ever end!
1097
00:48:24,454 --> 00:48:27,457
Yeah, me neither!
1098
00:48:39,844 --> 00:48:41,929
Morning, guys. Comfy?
1099
00:48:42,513 --> 00:48:45,266
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores. My bad.
1100
00:48:45,350 --> 00:48:47,727
-I gotta go pee.
-What's that by your feet, Reggie?
1101
00:48:47,810 --> 00:48:49,687
My feet? What are you talking about?
1102
00:48:49,771 --> 00:48:51,439
-What is that?
-Yeah, what is that?
1103
00:48:51,522 --> 00:48:53,232
Oh, my God. That's an ear!
1104
00:48:54,233 --> 00:48:56,611
-An ear?
-Holy fucking shit!
1105
00:48:56,694 --> 00:48:58,905
They were toys.
Guys, where are the goddamn toys?
1106
00:48:58,988 --> 00:49:01,366
This is not real. This is not real!
1107
00:49:01,449 --> 00:49:04,369
This is real!
This is real! Oh, my God!
1108
00:49:04,452 --> 00:49:05,703
We killed 'em!
1109
00:49:05,787 --> 00:49:06,788
I'm gonna barf.
1110
00:49:06,871 --> 00:49:09,040
Oh, God,
there's fur in the barf!
1111
00:49:09,123 --> 00:49:11,292
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God. Now I'm gonna barf.
1112
00:49:11,376 --> 00:49:13,169
Holy fuck! This can't be happening!
1113
00:49:13,252 --> 00:49:15,797
Hang in there. Stay with me. I'll fix you.
1114
00:49:16,631 --> 00:49:18,716
-Bug, what are you doing?
-What does it look like?
1115
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,635
I'm getting rid of the evidence.
Nobody can know!
1116
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,940
Um… We are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.
1117
00:49:34,649 --> 00:49:36,150
Honestly,
what we did was an accident.
1118
00:49:36,234 --> 00:49:37,193
-Absolutely.
-Right.
1119
00:49:37,276 --> 00:49:40,488
And I know that if we weren't confused
from the food we ate,
1120
00:49:40,571 --> 00:49:44,117
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off
1121
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:48,079
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully by accident.
1122
00:49:48,162 --> 00:49:49,872
So bless you, bunnies.
1123
00:49:49,956 --> 00:49:51,124
-Yes. Sorry.
-Bless you.
1124
00:49:51,207 --> 00:49:52,250
-So sorry.
-Sorry.
1125
00:49:52,333 --> 00:49:53,751
-Amen.
-All right, that's it.
1126
00:49:53,835 --> 00:49:56,796
Never speak of this again.
Not one word, do you hear me?
1127
00:49:56,879 --> 00:49:58,006
Not one fucking word.
1128
00:49:58,089 --> 00:50:00,758
-Not one word about what?
-Oh, shit. The cops.
1129
00:50:00,842 --> 00:50:02,176
"Oh, shit's" right, motherfucker.
1130
00:50:02,260 --> 00:50:04,512
Wh-Wh-What did we do?
We're innocent, I promise.
1131
00:50:04,595 --> 00:50:06,097
-Sit!
-I am.
1132
00:50:06,180 --> 00:50:08,266
On the ground! Lay down!
Paws where I can see 'em.
1133
00:50:08,349 --> 00:50:10,101
-We're laying down.
-Search these bitches.
1134
00:50:10,184 --> 00:50:12,270
-They're hiding something.
-Oh, God, what do we do?
1135
00:50:12,353 --> 00:50:15,106
Calm down. I got this.
I'm gonna speak with my white dog voice.
1136
00:50:15,189 --> 00:50:19,527
Hello, officer. None of us have
ever killed a bunny in our lives.
1137
00:50:19,610 --> 00:50:21,946
- Bug!
- What? Everybody shut the fuck up.
1138
00:50:22,030 --> 00:50:23,656
We're looking for a lost Girl Scout.
1139
00:50:23,740 --> 00:50:26,117
Riley Anderson. Age eight in human years.
1140
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,161
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.
1141
00:50:28,244 --> 00:50:30,163
Thought you dogs might
have some contact with her.
1142
00:50:30,246 --> 00:50:31,414
I've got nothing, sir.
1143
00:50:31,497 --> 00:50:33,374
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.
1144
00:50:33,458 --> 00:50:35,209
Wait, wait. I could help.
1145
00:50:35,293 --> 00:50:37,253
I'm sorry, I don't really
want to be that bitch,
1146
00:50:37,337 --> 00:50:39,464
but I'm actually really good at sniffing,
1147
00:50:39,547 --> 00:50:42,216
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.
1148
00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:43,551
Adorable.
1149
00:50:43,635 --> 00:50:45,678
Yeah, no, thanks, Australian Shep-turd.
1150
00:50:45,762 --> 00:50:48,806
Excuse me, but you really shouldn't
talk to her like that.
1151
00:50:48,890 --> 00:50:51,017
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?
1152
00:50:51,100 --> 00:50:54,312
I-I will do nothing the fuck about it.
I am sitting down now.
1153
00:50:54,395 --> 00:50:55,521
Oh, Hunter.
1154
00:50:56,105 --> 00:50:58,191
-Hunter?
-Rolf?
1155
00:50:58,274 --> 00:51:01,611
Holy mother-flipping shit!
1156
00:51:01,694 --> 00:51:03,237
I didn't recognize you with the cone.
1157
00:51:03,321 --> 00:51:04,864
Yeah, yeah. I got a cone now.
1158
00:51:04,947 --> 00:51:06,199
Bring it in, bro.
1159
00:51:06,282 --> 00:51:07,450
-Buddy!
-Give me some!
1160
00:51:07,533 --> 00:51:08,701
God. Well, I should've known,
1161
00:51:08,785 --> 00:51:11,079
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.
1162
00:51:11,162 --> 00:51:12,538
I'll never forget this butthole.
1163
00:51:12,622 --> 00:51:14,165
-What the fuck?
-You know this guy?
1164
00:51:14,248 --> 00:51:17,335
You kidding me? This fucker and I
went to the academy together.
1165
00:51:17,418 --> 00:51:19,754
Everything I know I learned
from this son of a bitch.
1166
00:51:19,837 --> 00:51:21,381
Technically,
we're all sons of bitches, sir.
1167
00:51:21,464 --> 00:51:23,675
Shut up.
Hey, so where'd you end up, brother?
1168
00:51:23,758 --> 00:51:26,302
Drug sniffing? Bomb detection?
What are we talking about?
1169
00:51:26,386 --> 00:51:29,639
Oh, um… Well, I take care of dying humans.
1170
00:51:29,722 --> 00:51:30,723
Oh.
1171
00:51:30,807 --> 00:51:32,684
I mean, that's not the end of the world,
I guess.
1172
00:51:32,767 --> 00:51:34,602
Oh. For them it is.
1173
00:51:34,686 --> 00:51:36,229
Well, hey, guys.
1174
00:51:36,312 --> 00:51:37,772
You found some strays, Rolf?
1175
00:51:37,855 --> 00:51:38,982
Huh?
1176
00:51:39,065 --> 00:51:41,609
-Good job.
-So what are you fuckers doing out here?
1177
00:51:41,693 --> 00:51:44,904
-Oh, uh, well, it's a long story.
-We're gonna bite a guy's dick off.
1178
00:51:44,988 --> 00:51:46,114
It's actually a short story.
1179
00:51:46,197 --> 00:51:49,325
Nice! Man, when I joined the force,
you could bite dicks left and right.
1180
00:51:49,409 --> 00:51:52,954
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,
I gotta fill out two weeks of paperwork.
1181
00:51:53,037 --> 00:51:55,957
Can I get an AC unit down
to Old Forest Road 54?
1182
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,751
We're trying to get to the devil
in the sky. Does that sound familiar?
1183
00:51:58,835 --> 00:52:00,670
- Devil in the sky? Yeah.
- Much appreciated.
1184
00:52:00,753 --> 00:52:02,338
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.
1185
00:52:02,422 --> 00:52:04,590
-Wow, really?
-Sure thing, rat boy.
1186
00:52:05,675 --> 00:52:07,468
Let's not wait
so long next time, huh?
1187
00:52:07,552 --> 00:52:09,637
-What's it been, seven years?
-I think just one,
1188
00:52:09,721 --> 00:52:12,098
but every year feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.
1189
00:52:12,181 --> 00:52:13,766
Okay.
We gotta get our story straight.
1190
00:52:13,850 --> 00:52:16,185
It was a possum who
killed all the bunnies. Got it?
1191
00:52:16,269 --> 00:52:18,021
-Wait, what's the possum's name?
-Uh, Greg.
1192
00:52:18,104 --> 00:52:22,191
That's not a believable name for a possum.
Ooh. Can it be Monty?
1193
00:52:22,275 --> 00:52:24,986
-Hey, Cath.
-Steve, thanks for coming over.
1194
00:52:25,069 --> 00:52:27,155
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1195
00:52:27,238 --> 00:52:28,781
Treats! I love treats!
1196
00:52:28,865 --> 00:52:31,617
Oh, my goodness,
does somebody want a treat?
1197
00:52:31,701 --> 00:52:33,328
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.
1198
00:52:33,411 --> 00:52:34,787
Reggie, it's a trap!
1199
00:52:34,871 --> 00:52:36,456
Hey!
1200
00:52:36,539 --> 00:52:37,540
No, no, no!
1201
00:52:37,623 --> 00:52:39,375
Those bunnies were dead
when we found them.
1202
00:52:39,459 --> 00:52:41,627
It was a possum named, uh, Greg, or--
1203
00:52:41,711 --> 00:52:44,630
Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg.
1204
00:52:44,714 --> 00:52:45,882
We had no choice.
They threatened us!
1205
00:52:45,965 --> 00:52:48,051
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.
1206
00:52:48,134 --> 00:52:50,845
Sorry, old friend. The law's the law.
You know how it is.
1207
00:52:50,928 --> 00:52:52,513
What a sadistic fuck.
1208
00:52:52,597 --> 00:52:55,308
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.
1209
00:52:55,391 --> 00:52:57,060
If you got tags, they'll send you home.
1210
00:53:00,688 --> 00:53:02,065
-Oh, fresh meat.
-Hey, big boy.
1211
00:53:02,148 --> 00:53:05,068
-I like the mouth on that one.
-We're gonna cuddle real hard.
1212
00:53:05,151 --> 00:53:08,029
Hey, bitch! Hey, little bitch!
1213
00:53:08,112 --> 00:53:10,865
Guys, we gotta get out of here.
We're running out of time.
1214
00:53:10,948 --> 00:53:12,784
-Where even are we?
-Nowhere good.
1215
00:53:12,867 --> 00:53:14,702
No, no, no. I can't be here.
1216
00:53:14,786 --> 00:53:15,995
I can't. Not this again.
1217
00:53:16,079 --> 00:53:17,330
Come on, mate.
We'll be fine.
1218
00:53:17,413 --> 00:53:20,166
Rolf told us they'll just send us home.
It'll be all right.
1219
00:53:20,249 --> 00:53:22,669
They only send you home
if you got a home to go back to.
1220
00:53:22,752 --> 00:53:26,547
And do you know what these people do
to dogs that don't have one, Hunter? Huh?
1221
00:53:26,631 --> 00:53:30,009
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do to me and Reg?
1222
00:53:30,093 --> 00:53:31,594
Calm down, Bug. We'll figure this out.
1223
00:53:31,678 --> 00:53:33,221
Ain't nothing to figure out, Maggie.
1224
00:53:33,304 --> 00:53:35,598
These humans caught us
and now we are fucked.
1225
00:53:35,682 --> 00:53:37,058
Bug, you don't know that.
1226
00:53:37,141 --> 00:53:38,518
Yeah. I mean, Bug,
1227
00:53:38,601 --> 00:53:42,021
you say you know so much about humans,
but you don't really know them either.
1228
00:53:42,105 --> 00:53:43,523
I mean, you've never had an owner.
1229
00:53:43,606 --> 00:53:45,942
You never had a Jenna.
You never had a Doug.
1230
00:53:46,025 --> 00:53:46,985
I had an Emma!
1231
00:53:47,068 --> 00:53:48,486
What?
1232
00:53:48,569 --> 00:53:51,280
Whoa.
Bug, you had an owner?
1233
00:53:51,864 --> 00:53:53,074
Yeah.
1234
00:53:53,157 --> 00:53:57,370
And I told myself
that I would never say her name again.
1235
00:53:58,329 --> 00:54:00,498
But y'all need to hear this.
1236
00:54:00,581 --> 00:54:01,833
-No.
-No? Okay.
1237
00:54:01,916 --> 00:54:03,668
I don't remember everything,
1238
00:54:03,751 --> 00:54:05,795
but I remember
the day she got me out of there.
1239
00:54:07,005 --> 00:54:09,298
- This one.
- He's a cute little bugger.
1240
00:54:09,382 --> 00:54:11,426
Cute little bug.
1241
00:54:13,219 --> 00:54:15,221
We did everything together.
1242
00:54:15,305 --> 00:54:20,852
We played all day, and no matter
how stupid I acted, she always laughed.
1243
00:54:20,935 --> 00:54:22,103
Trick or treat.
1244
00:54:22,186 --> 00:54:24,105
We even did this thing I hated,
1245
00:54:24,188 --> 00:54:26,899
where she would dress us up
in super weird clothes,
1246
00:54:26,983 --> 00:54:30,028
and ask the neighbors to give us
that chocolate humans make from dog poop.
1247
00:54:30,111 --> 00:54:31,279
Oh, not for you, honey.
1248
00:54:31,362 --> 00:54:34,490
It's okay. It's just a storm.
1249
00:54:34,574 --> 00:54:38,328
But even better than all the fun
we had is the way she made me feel.
1250
00:54:38,411 --> 00:54:40,079
I love you.
1251
00:54:40,163 --> 00:54:42,332
When she said that,
I felt so special.
1252
00:54:43,458 --> 00:54:47,211
And then it was usually followed
by these incredible belly scratches.
1253
00:54:47,295 --> 00:54:49,464
No one ever made my leg kick like that.
1254
00:54:49,547 --> 00:54:53,885
Except for this one night with a raccoon
I don't like to talk about, but, anyway.
1255
00:54:55,011 --> 00:54:57,680
But then I made a mistake.
1256
00:55:00,683 --> 00:55:01,684
It was a blur.
1257
00:55:03,436 --> 00:55:05,938
I didn't even know what I did
until it was too late.
1258
00:55:06,648 --> 00:55:08,024
Say goodbye to Bug?
1259
00:55:15,990 --> 00:55:18,701
I thought I was getting
put in time-out or something.
1260
00:55:20,787 --> 00:55:21,913
But the place she sent me to…
1261
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:25,708
the time-outs there never end.
1262
00:55:26,834 --> 00:55:28,378
Whoa!
1263
00:55:33,633 --> 00:55:34,759
I never saw her again.
1264
00:55:35,593 --> 00:55:37,178
After all we had been through.
1265
00:55:37,261 --> 00:55:42,392
Everything she made me feel,
everything I thought I made her feel.
1266
00:55:42,475 --> 00:55:44,560
Just nothing.
1267
00:55:44,644 --> 00:55:48,398
We did so much together.
She taught me so many tricks.
1268
00:55:48,481 --> 00:55:51,901
But the one trick
she never wanted me to learn was…
1269
00:55:51,985 --> 00:55:53,111
"Stay."
1270
00:55:53,194 --> 00:55:54,654
Mmm.
1271
00:55:54,737 --> 00:55:56,447
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.
1272
00:55:56,531 --> 00:55:57,532
Can you tell it again?
1273
00:55:57,615 --> 00:55:59,993
Hunter, I'm not gonna tell
the middle part again.
1274
00:56:00,076 --> 00:56:01,828
I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.
1275
00:56:01,911 --> 00:56:03,997
Don't be sorry, Reg. Be thankful.
1276
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,040
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.
1277
00:56:06,124 --> 00:56:10,211
Oh, what I wouldn't give to bite this girl
in the dick.
1278
00:56:10,294 --> 00:56:12,964
But you know, she's six,
and I don't know where she lives now,
1279
00:56:13,047 --> 00:56:15,508
and she's a girl
and doesn't even have a dick, but still.
1280
00:56:15,591 --> 00:56:18,553
Listen.
What we're doing isn't just about Doug.
1281
00:56:18,636 --> 00:56:20,763
We're doing this for all of them.
1282
00:56:20,847 --> 00:56:25,184
For every single one of those humans
who treated us like shit.
1283
00:56:25,893 --> 00:56:28,479
Man, biggest mistake of my life.
1284
00:56:28,563 --> 00:56:30,857
Yeah, I'd regret that bite too.
1285
00:56:30,940 --> 00:56:33,985
The bite? No, I'm talking about her.
1286
00:56:34,068 --> 00:56:35,862
She's the mistake. Not the--
1287
00:56:35,945 --> 00:56:38,906
Okay, well, we can talk about
getting back at your exes all we want.
1288
00:56:38,990 --> 00:56:41,075
But none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.
1289
00:56:41,159 --> 00:56:44,329
Guys, what if we can get the key?
1290
00:56:52,211 --> 00:56:55,631
Oh, no, we'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.
1291
00:56:59,093 --> 00:57:01,012
Why is everyone looking at me?
1292
00:57:05,183 --> 00:57:06,809
Come on, Hunter. You can do it.
1293
00:57:08,811 --> 00:57:10,146
You're so close.
1294
00:57:10,229 --> 00:57:11,230
Just a little more.
1295
00:57:11,314 --> 00:57:13,191
Come on, get hornier!
You can do it!
1296
00:57:13,274 --> 00:57:14,692
This is all I got.
1297
00:57:14,776 --> 00:57:16,736
Maggie, come on. Excite him.
1298
00:57:17,612 --> 00:57:24,160
Hunter, this has been
a really long, hard trip.
1299
00:57:24,243 --> 00:57:29,666
But the thing that keeps me panting
is thinking about us doing it
1300
00:57:30,249 --> 00:57:31,626
regular style.
1301
00:57:31,709 --> 00:57:33,461
Oh, boy! It's working.
1302
00:57:33,544 --> 00:57:35,630
Keep talking, Maggie. More sexy stuff.
1303
00:57:35,713 --> 00:57:40,218
Just picture me,
all eight nipples rock hard.
1304
00:57:40,301 --> 00:57:42,428
And I'm wearing nothing but…
1305
00:57:42,512 --> 00:57:44,472
…the cone.
1306
00:57:46,724 --> 00:57:47,850
You're doing it, Hunter.
1307
00:57:47,934 --> 00:57:50,520
Come on, Hunter.
Use that dick of yours.
1308
00:57:51,187 --> 00:57:52,355
Yes, Hunter!
1309
00:57:52,438 --> 00:57:55,024
Hunter! Hunter!
1310
00:57:55,108 --> 00:57:58,111
Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1311
00:57:58,194 --> 00:58:00,071
Hunter! Hunter!
1312
00:58:00,154 --> 00:58:01,614
Hunter!
1313
00:58:01,698 --> 00:58:03,116
Hunter!
1314
00:58:03,199 --> 00:58:04,867
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1315
00:58:04,951 --> 00:58:06,244
Oh, Hunter.
1316
00:58:06,327 --> 00:58:08,079
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.
1317
00:58:08,162 --> 00:58:10,039
Sorry my dick let you down.
1318
00:58:10,123 --> 00:58:12,000
Wait, I've got it.
1319
00:58:12,083 --> 00:58:14,252
What's the one thing humans
are obsessed with?
1320
00:58:14,335 --> 00:58:16,045
-Uh, themselves.
-Painting their faces.
1321
00:58:16,129 --> 00:58:17,296
-Dying.
-No.
1322
00:58:17,380 --> 00:58:18,715
Bug, you said it yourself.
1323
00:58:18,798 --> 00:58:22,468
What's the thing
humans are most obsessed with about dogs?
1324
00:58:22,552 --> 00:58:24,137
-Our shit!
-Yes!
1325
00:58:24,220 --> 00:58:26,389
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?
1326
00:58:26,472 --> 00:58:27,890
- They come and bag it up.
- Yeah.
1327
00:58:27,974 --> 00:58:30,685
That's right.
Once this place gets all poopy,
1328
00:58:30,768 --> 00:58:34,480
Willy comes in and bags it up,
like he's collecting it for something.
1329
00:58:34,564 --> 00:58:37,442
- Exactly! That's our ticket out of here.
- For chocolate!
1330
00:58:37,525 --> 00:58:39,861
We poop until he has to open these doors,
1331
00:58:39,944 --> 00:58:42,030
and when he does, we charge!
1332
00:58:42,113 --> 00:58:43,823
- Good on ya.
- Nice thinking, kid. I'm in!
1333
00:58:43,906 --> 00:58:45,199
I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.
1334
00:58:46,743 --> 00:58:48,202
-Not gonna happen.
-No, thanks, kid.
1335
00:58:48,286 --> 00:58:50,580
What's wrong with you guys?
Don't you want to get out of this place?
1336
00:58:50,663 --> 00:58:53,207
Of course.
But we've been burned so many times,
1337
00:58:53,291 --> 00:58:56,085
we're smart enough to know
that we'll never get beyond these walls
1338
00:58:56,169 --> 00:58:58,129
without a human coming to adopt us.
1339
00:58:59,505 --> 00:59:01,632
Look, I get it.
1340
00:59:01,716 --> 00:59:03,426
I've had dark moments.
1341
00:59:03,509 --> 00:59:05,428
Moments where I felt stuck.
1342
00:59:06,179 --> 00:59:08,640
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,
1343
00:59:08,723 --> 00:59:12,143
it felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.
1344
00:59:12,226 --> 00:59:14,604
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.
1345
00:59:14,687 --> 00:59:17,982
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.
1346
00:59:18,066 --> 00:59:20,818
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends,
1347
00:59:20,902 --> 00:59:23,613
who taught me that just beyond those walls
1348
00:59:23,696 --> 00:59:26,491
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.
1349
00:59:26,574 --> 00:59:28,326
There's lampposts to pee on.
1350
00:59:28,409 --> 00:59:31,371
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.
1351
00:59:31,454 --> 00:59:32,830
And dead bunnies…
1352
00:59:32,914 --> 00:59:34,666
…that I-I know nothing about.
1353
00:59:34,749 --> 00:59:37,335
-I know nothing about that either.
-No clue what you're talking about.
1354
00:59:37,418 --> 00:59:39,587
-Tennis balls to fetch and--
-A dick to bite off!
1355
00:59:39,671 --> 00:59:41,631
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That too.
1356
00:59:42,674 --> 00:59:46,636
But most importantly,
there's a life out there worth living.
1357
00:59:46,719 --> 00:59:48,179
- Go, Reg!
- Whoo! Reggie!
1358
00:59:48,262 --> 00:59:52,100
So I'm asking you,
do you want to stay here and die,
1359
00:59:52,183 --> 00:59:55,937
or do you want to shit your brains out
and live?
1360
00:59:56,020 --> 00:59:57,897
-Live! Live!
-We wanna live!
1361
00:59:57,981 --> 00:59:58,982
-Live!
-Live!
1362
00:59:59,065 --> 01:00:02,944
Then poop with me!
Poop with me to freedom!
1363
01:00:03,027 --> 01:00:05,154
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1364
01:00:05,238 --> 01:00:07,740
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1365
01:00:07,824 --> 01:00:10,410
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1366
01:00:10,493 --> 01:00:13,496
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Oh… ♪
1367
01:00:13,579 --> 01:00:16,874
Dig deep inside of you!
Deep inside your colon.
1368
01:00:17,458 --> 01:00:19,335
Release your pent-up feelings.
1369
01:00:20,378 --> 01:00:21,963
Let it flow!
1370
01:00:22,797 --> 01:00:24,132
♪ When I come to the club ♪
1371
01:00:24,215 --> 01:00:25,216
-♪ Step aside ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1372
01:00:25,299 --> 01:00:27,468
♪ Part the seas
Don't be havin' me in the line ♪
1373
01:00:27,552 --> 01:00:28,386
♪ Oh, shit… ♪
1374
01:00:28,469 --> 01:00:31,180
Great work, everybody! Keep on pooping!
1375
01:00:31,264 --> 01:00:33,725
-♪ And me love you long time ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1376
01:00:33,808 --> 01:00:36,102
♪ How come every time you come around ♪
1377
01:00:36,185 --> 01:00:38,730
♪ My London, London Bridge
Wanna go down? ♪
1378
01:00:38,813 --> 01:00:41,607
♪ Like London, London, London
Be goin' down like… ♪
1379
01:00:46,738 --> 01:00:48,156
Those are my eyes.
1380
01:00:49,282 --> 01:00:50,491
Exactly.
1381
01:00:51,284 --> 01:00:53,161
I think Dad's really gonna love this.
1382
01:01:00,293 --> 01:01:02,462
I think it's working. Places, everyone.
1383
01:01:10,303 --> 01:01:11,721
Oh.
1384
01:01:11,804 --> 01:01:14,390
Oh, God. I can taste it.
1385
01:01:14,474 --> 01:01:15,725
Oh.
1386
01:01:19,354 --> 01:01:20,355
What…
1387
01:01:24,734 --> 01:01:25,735
Oh, fuck.
1388
01:01:41,918 --> 01:01:43,252
Very cute.
1389
01:01:43,336 --> 01:01:45,713
Very funny.
1390
01:01:45,797 --> 01:01:47,090
I see what's going on here.
1391
01:01:47,173 --> 01:01:50,677
You guys think that I…
1392
01:01:51,844 --> 01:01:54,389
am a big, fat fucking asshole. Right?
1393
01:01:54,472 --> 01:01:56,307
You know everything about me.
1394
01:01:56,391 --> 01:01:59,102
You know all the things
that have happened in my life
1395
01:01:59,185 --> 01:02:01,562
with my dad and my ex-wife.
1396
01:02:07,610 --> 01:02:10,613
Bravo. Bravo!
1397
01:02:10,697 --> 01:02:11,698
Oh, encore!
1398
01:02:11,781 --> 01:02:13,157
Just kidding!
1399
01:02:13,241 --> 01:02:14,534
It's done!
1400
01:02:14,617 --> 01:02:17,954
We are done!
1401
01:02:18,037 --> 01:02:20,331
Wait, what are you--
Oh, my God.
1402
01:02:23,376 --> 01:02:24,836
Charge!
1403
01:02:37,015 --> 01:02:38,224
Ah, we did it!
1404
01:02:38,308 --> 01:02:40,018
I can't believe we shit that much!
1405
01:02:40,101 --> 01:02:41,769
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1406
01:02:41,853 --> 01:02:43,688
The hell with ya!
1407
01:02:53,072 --> 01:02:55,033
Thanks for your patience, folks.
Really.
1408
01:02:57,201 --> 01:03:00,496
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane. Uh…
1409
01:03:01,622 --> 01:03:04,542
"Then poop with me to freedom!"
1410
01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:06,502
So cheesy, but I loved it.
1411
01:03:06,586 --> 01:03:08,296
What a plan.
What a speech, Reg.
1412
01:03:08,379 --> 01:03:10,715
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.
1413
01:03:10,798 --> 01:03:13,468
You know, the one where
you convinced all of us to do this,
1414
01:03:13,551 --> 01:03:16,429
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.
1415
01:03:16,512 --> 01:03:18,306
- Bug.
- Okay, okay, Bug. Look.
1416
01:03:19,223 --> 01:03:21,768
Oh! Look! The devil in the sky!
1417
01:03:21,851 --> 01:03:23,978
-We made it!
-Look at that fucking guy!
1418
01:03:24,062 --> 01:03:26,773
Burn in hell,
you motherfucking son of a bitch.
1419
01:03:26,856 --> 01:03:29,525
-I hate everything about him.
-The dumb-ass smile, those shitty pants.
1420
01:03:29,609 --> 01:03:31,653
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!
1421
01:03:31,736 --> 01:03:33,321
Stupid hat and your stupid truck,
1422
01:03:33,404 --> 01:03:35,823
with the door on the other side
of the thing.
1423
01:03:35,907 --> 01:03:37,992
- I hate his face, personality.
- I wanna rip him a new asshole.
1424
01:03:38,076 --> 01:03:39,243
I hate his bag, his shirt…
1425
01:03:39,327 --> 01:03:41,120
He smells like
a thousand different houses,
1426
01:03:41,204 --> 01:03:42,747
and I can't trust that!
1427
01:03:44,082 --> 01:03:46,292
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.
1428
01:03:46,376 --> 01:03:47,960
-Yeah. That's right.
-And right on schedule.
1429
01:03:48,044 --> 01:03:50,588
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?
1430
01:03:50,672 --> 01:03:54,300
Uh, yeah, we just--
we just stay on this road for now.
1431
01:03:54,384 --> 01:03:55,802
-Good, let's move.
-All right.
1432
01:03:55,885 --> 01:03:57,595
- Great.
- W-Wait, wait, wait.
1433
01:03:57,679 --> 01:03:58,972
One second. Can't leave yet.
1434
01:03:59,055 --> 01:04:00,139
-Huh?
-What's up, Reg?
1435
01:04:00,723 --> 01:04:02,809
Where is it? Oh, there.
1436
01:04:05,019 --> 01:04:06,729
All right. Let's go, guys.
1437
01:04:06,813 --> 01:04:08,731
No, no, no. Hold on a second.
1438
01:04:08,815 --> 01:04:11,442
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?
1439
01:04:11,526 --> 01:04:13,569
I don't know, I just like tennis balls.
1440
01:04:13,653 --> 01:04:15,905
I know ball guys. You're not a ball guy.
1441
01:04:15,989 --> 01:04:18,032
Well, you don't know everything about me.
1442
01:04:18,116 --> 01:04:20,827
Well, I'm learning a little more
right now.
1443
01:04:20,910 --> 01:04:22,245
Drop the ball, Reg.
1444
01:04:22,328 --> 01:04:23,830
What? No.
1445
01:04:23,913 --> 01:04:25,915
Drop the fucking ball.
1446
01:04:25,999 --> 01:04:28,751
-Leave it!
-I'm not gonna leave the ball!
1447
01:04:28,835 --> 01:04:30,086
-Drop the ball!
-No.
1448
01:04:30,169 --> 01:04:31,379
Reggie, you drop that goddamn ball!
1449
01:04:31,462 --> 01:04:32,964
-No.
-You don't even like balls!
1450
01:04:33,047 --> 01:04:34,632
Doug likes balls!
1451
01:04:34,716 --> 01:04:36,050
Doug?
1452
01:04:36,134 --> 01:04:37,302
Oh, Reg.
1453
01:04:37,385 --> 01:04:39,053
I don't know why, but he does.
1454
01:04:39,137 --> 01:04:41,139
And when we play the game,
"Fetch and Fuck,"
1455
01:04:41,222 --> 01:04:44,225
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.
1456
01:04:44,309 --> 01:04:46,936
So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.
1457
01:04:47,020 --> 01:04:48,021
Goddamn it.
1458
01:04:48,104 --> 01:04:51,774
So when you told me you didn't know
how you were gonna bite Doug in the dick,
1459
01:04:51,858 --> 01:04:54,193
the real reason you don't know is because…
1460
01:04:54,277 --> 01:04:56,404
You're not gonna bite Doug in the dick.
1461
01:04:56,487 --> 01:05:00,241
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.
1462
01:05:00,325 --> 01:05:03,411
But the closer we got to Doug,
the more I realized
1463
01:05:04,162 --> 01:05:05,788
that I miss him.
1464
01:05:05,872 --> 01:05:08,708
-And I think he misses me, too.
-Reggie, don't do this.
1465
01:05:08,791 --> 01:05:10,710
You deserve so much better than him.
1466
01:05:10,793 --> 01:05:13,463
I don't, Hunter. I really don't.
1467
01:05:13,546 --> 01:05:15,131
You know why Doug abandoned me?
1468
01:05:15,214 --> 01:05:17,592
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.
1469
01:05:17,675 --> 01:05:18,968
I ate his shoes.
1470
01:05:19,052 --> 01:05:22,096
I woke him up so early every day
because I needed to pee.
1471
01:05:22,180 --> 01:05:23,723
And I pooped on the rug.
1472
01:05:23,806 --> 01:05:25,725
We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie.
1473
01:05:25,808 --> 01:05:28,478
Did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?
1474
01:05:28,561 --> 01:05:30,730
Because guess what, I rolled in the poop.
1475
01:05:30,813 --> 01:05:32,190
Okay, that's not great.
1476
01:05:32,273 --> 01:05:34,651
God, I can't believe it took me this long
to realize this,
1477
01:05:34,734 --> 01:05:38,613
that every time he called me a bad dog,
he was absolutely right.
1478
01:05:38,696 --> 01:05:40,657
-It was all my fault.
-Wow.
1479
01:05:40,740 --> 01:05:42,784
Well,
I'm not gonna be a bad dog anymore.
1480
01:05:42,867 --> 01:05:44,369
It's time for me to be a good boy.
1481
01:05:44,452 --> 01:05:48,581
Jesus, I cannot believe
that I risked my life for this asshole
1482
01:05:48,665 --> 01:05:51,417
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.
1483
01:05:51,501 --> 01:05:54,003
I did all of this for you, Reggie.
1484
01:05:54,087 --> 01:05:55,380
You didn't do this for me.
1485
01:05:55,463 --> 01:05:57,674
You said it yourself.
This isn't about Doug.
1486
01:05:57,757 --> 01:06:01,469
This is about every single one of them
who treated us like shit.
1487
01:06:01,552 --> 01:06:03,596
-This is about Emma!
-Reggie.
1488
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:04,681
Fuck you.
1489
01:06:04,764 --> 01:06:06,975
Hey. How about rule number three, Bug?
1490
01:06:07,058 --> 01:06:09,394
You're on your own?
Well, then what were we?
1491
01:06:09,477 --> 01:06:11,270
-Wow.
-I don't think you want to be a stray.
1492
01:06:11,354 --> 01:06:14,065
-I think you're sad and lonely.
-Can you believe this fucking guy?
1493
01:06:14,148 --> 01:06:16,234
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans
1494
01:06:16,317 --> 01:06:19,362
is because if you ever stopped
to think about what happened,
1495
01:06:19,445 --> 01:06:22,323
you'd realize that Emma didn't fuck it up.
1496
01:06:22,407 --> 01:06:24,283
-You did.
-Get the fuck away from me.
1497
01:06:24,367 --> 01:06:26,494
Believe me,
I fucked up with my owner, too.
1498
01:06:26,577 --> 01:06:29,247
So thank you for helping me realize
I was the problem.
1499
01:06:29,330 --> 01:06:33,960
Only difference is I have a chance
to fix it and not end up like you.
1500
01:06:36,379 --> 01:06:38,631
-Hey, hey. What are you doing?
-Guys, stop it! Guys!
1501
01:06:38,715 --> 01:06:40,341
- Come on!
- Give me this thing!
1502
01:06:40,425 --> 01:06:41,551
-Give it back!
-Bug!
1503
01:06:41,634 --> 01:06:43,344
Doug gave me that!
Give that back!
1504
01:06:43,428 --> 01:06:44,679
-I know he did!
-No!
1505
01:06:44,762 --> 01:06:47,098
- Stop it! Stop!
- Bug, don't do that.
1506
01:06:47,181 --> 01:06:49,309
That's what I think about you
and your owner.
1507
01:06:49,392 --> 01:06:51,311
Go fuck yourself, Reggie.
1508
01:06:51,394 --> 01:06:52,854
You two deserve each other.
1509
01:07:01,529 --> 01:07:03,698
-Reggie, don't do this!
-Reg.
1510
01:07:03,781 --> 01:07:05,616
I hope he's already left without you!
1511
01:07:11,205 --> 01:07:12,206
Man.
1512
01:07:13,249 --> 01:07:15,752
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.
1513
01:07:17,003 --> 01:07:20,006
Um,
but this is also a bummer.
1514
01:07:29,766 --> 01:07:31,309
Bug, we can't go back.
1515
01:07:31,392 --> 01:07:34,937
Sure we can. The devil in the sky.
Cone. Hamster wheel.
1516
01:07:35,021 --> 01:07:37,023
Just in the opposite order of how we came.
1517
01:07:37,106 --> 01:07:38,399
No dead bunnies this time.
1518
01:07:38,483 --> 01:07:40,526
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.
1519
01:07:40,610 --> 01:07:43,905
First off, Hunter, we didn't leave him.
He left us.
1520
01:07:43,988 --> 01:07:47,450
Second, we don't know the rest of the way
back to Doug's place, anyway.
1521
01:07:47,533 --> 01:07:49,744
And third,
I'm not just gonna hang around here
1522
01:07:49,827 --> 01:07:53,456
and let some dickless bird
swoop in on my girlfriend while I'm gone.
1523
01:07:53,539 --> 01:07:54,791
What?
1524
01:07:54,874 --> 01:07:57,210
Look, if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,
1525
01:07:57,293 --> 01:08:00,505
is that I have been wasting my time
with you guys.
1526
01:08:00,588 --> 01:08:03,049
I'm a stray,
and I should start acting like one.
1527
01:08:03,132 --> 01:08:05,802
-Wait, where are you going?
-I don't know. To go do some "nunya."
1528
01:08:05,885 --> 01:08:07,095
What's "nunya"?
1529
01:08:07,178 --> 01:08:08,471
Nunya fucking business.
1530
01:08:08,554 --> 01:08:10,556
Oh, yeah. I walked right into that one.
1531
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,559
Let's go home, Hunter.
1532
01:08:16,688 --> 01:08:18,730
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.
1533
01:08:18,815 --> 01:08:20,984
Fuck does he think he's talking about?
1534
01:08:21,067 --> 01:08:22,860
I'm gonna tell you right now,
I ain't lonely
1535
01:08:22,944 --> 01:08:24,695
and I damn sure ain't scared.
1536
01:08:24,779 --> 01:08:25,779
Fuck you, leaf!
1537
01:08:25,863 --> 01:08:27,782
End up like me?
1538
01:08:27,864 --> 01:08:30,284
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.
1539
01:08:30,368 --> 01:08:33,371
That's right, I'm a three-year-old dog
and I'm already a homeowner.
1540
01:08:33,454 --> 01:08:36,582
I'm living the motherfucking dream.
And I'm not scared to be alone.
1541
01:08:36,666 --> 01:08:38,668
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.
1542
01:08:40,086 --> 01:08:41,003
Who's that?
1543
01:08:41,921 --> 01:08:43,672
Don't come closer! I-I, uh…
1544
01:08:43,756 --> 01:08:45,257
I'm crazy! I fuck trash!
1545
01:09:01,107 --> 01:09:04,193
Nope, not doing this.
Just walk away, Bug.
1546
01:09:04,277 --> 01:09:07,238
Little girls like Emma suck
and you know it.
1547
01:09:13,536 --> 01:09:15,872
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.
1548
01:09:15,954 --> 01:09:19,208
Another fucking narcissist
putting her needs above your own.
1549
01:09:19,292 --> 01:09:23,046
You've been down this fucking road before,
man, just-- just…
1550
01:09:23,128 --> 01:09:25,047
Goddamn it.
1551
01:09:32,971 --> 01:09:34,556
Hey, there.
1552
01:09:34,641 --> 01:09:37,018
What are you doing
out here all alone?
1553
01:09:37,976 --> 01:09:39,645
Did you get lost like me?
1554
01:09:39,729 --> 01:09:40,730
It's gonna be okay.
1555
01:09:40,813 --> 01:09:43,358
Holy shit. Wait! You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.
1556
01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:44,567
Holy shit!
1557
01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:47,278
I found her. I found her!
1558
01:09:47,362 --> 01:09:48,570
Somebody, please help!
1559
01:09:48,654 --> 01:09:50,739
-I found the girl!
-That's Bug!
1560
01:09:50,823 --> 01:09:52,283
Bug, where are you?
1561
01:09:52,367 --> 01:09:53,451
Let's go!
1562
01:09:57,205 --> 01:09:58,164
I see him!
1563
01:09:59,457 --> 01:10:01,084
I can't believe you found the girl.
1564
01:10:01,167 --> 01:10:02,168
Oh, my God, Bug!
1565
01:10:02,251 --> 01:10:04,921
Come on, we gotta get her some help.
She's in bad shape.
1566
01:10:05,004 --> 01:10:07,799
- Help! Over here!
- Over here! We found her! Help!
1567
01:10:07,882 --> 01:10:09,550
-Help!
-Rolf! You dickhead!
1568
01:10:09,634 --> 01:10:11,135
-Help! Help!
-Come on! Help!
1569
01:10:13,930 --> 01:10:15,765
Lost kid! Let's move!
1570
01:10:15,848 --> 01:10:16,933
-Over here!
-Help!
1571
01:10:17,016 --> 01:10:18,184
- Here they come.
- Over here.
1572
01:10:18,267 --> 01:10:20,311
Munchkin, check the girl.
1573
01:10:20,395 --> 01:10:22,772
Hell of a job, Hunter,
and small dogs.
1574
01:10:22,855 --> 01:10:24,691
-Didn't know you had it in ya.
-Oh, my God.
1575
01:10:24,774 --> 01:10:26,985
Riley! Riley, here you are.
1576
01:10:27,068 --> 01:10:28,194
Good dog, good dog.
1577
01:10:28,277 --> 01:10:29,278
You're okay.
1578
01:10:29,362 --> 01:10:32,365
I'm not even gonna ask
how you ended up back in these woods.
1579
01:10:32,448 --> 01:10:33,616
All I'll ask is
1580
01:10:33,700 --> 01:10:35,493
how can I repay you?
1581
01:10:37,036 --> 01:10:38,955
You can help save my best friend.
1582
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,960
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
1583
01:10:44,585 --> 01:10:46,504
Okay, I should probably rehearse this.
1584
01:10:47,338 --> 01:10:48,506
Hey, Doug.
1585
01:10:48,589 --> 01:10:49,757
"Hey, shitbag."
1586
01:10:49,841 --> 01:10:52,176
- What've you been up to?
- "Mostly masturbating."
1587
01:10:52,260 --> 01:10:54,762
Oh. Cool, classic Doug.
1588
01:10:54,846 --> 01:10:56,806
So, I owe you an apology.
1589
01:10:56,889 --> 01:10:58,099
"Okay."
1590
01:10:58,182 --> 01:11:00,393
You were totally
right to ditch me in that alley.
1591
01:11:00,476 --> 01:11:02,061
I mean, I was terrible.
1592
01:11:02,145 --> 01:11:03,396
"Agreed."
1593
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:08,276
But I was wondering if we could
maybe make some changes when I'm back?
1594
01:11:08,359 --> 01:11:10,528
Like, maybe we could do walks now,
1595
01:11:10,611 --> 01:11:13,364
and possibly increase pee breaks
to twice a day?
1596
01:11:13,448 --> 01:11:15,950
And maybe, if you feel like it,
1597
01:11:16,034 --> 01:11:18,453
you could call me a good boy
every once in a while?
1598
01:11:23,416 --> 01:11:25,209
Ugh. This is stupid.
1599
01:11:29,422 --> 01:11:32,300
What do you mean you can't track him down?
You're sniff dogs. That's what you do.
1600
01:11:32,383 --> 01:11:34,135
Yeah, come on, Rolf.
They taught us that.
1601
01:11:34,218 --> 01:11:37,347
It's impossible. We can't track him
without knowing his scent first.
1602
01:11:37,430 --> 01:11:39,140
Did you get any whiff of him yesterday,
Munchkin?
1603
01:11:39,223 --> 01:11:40,975
- Nothing I can recall, sir.
- Wait!
1604
01:11:41,059 --> 01:11:42,727
-The bandana!
-Come again?
1605
01:11:42,810 --> 01:11:45,188
We can get his scent from the bandana.
Let's go! Let's go!
1606
01:11:45,271 --> 01:11:46,272
Nice, Maggie.
1607
01:11:46,356 --> 01:11:47,482
Rolf?
1608
01:11:47,565 --> 01:11:48,566
Hey, Rolf!
1609
01:11:48,650 --> 01:11:51,235
- There it is!
- There! There it is! There it is!
1610
01:11:52,779 --> 01:11:53,946
Way to go, Maggie.
1611
01:11:54,697 --> 01:11:57,617
Halt! Good God, what's that smell?
1612
01:11:57,700 --> 01:11:59,118
Can you smell Reggie off that thing?
1613
01:12:00,203 --> 01:12:02,914
I'm not getting any dog off of this, sir.
Just a lot of urine.
1614
01:12:02,997 --> 01:12:04,374
- Oh, huh. Oh, wow.
- Huh.
1615
01:12:04,457 --> 01:12:06,084
- That's weird.
- It was Bug.
1616
01:12:06,167 --> 01:12:09,671
And from the stain patterns, I can tell
this was a very small pee stream,
1617
01:12:09,754 --> 01:12:12,715
indicative of a dog with an…
…unbelievably tiny penis.
1618
01:12:12,799 --> 01:12:14,884
-Again, Bug.
-It ain't indicative of shit.
1619
01:12:14,968 --> 01:12:17,345
If anything,
it is indicative of a well-shaped,
1620
01:12:17,428 --> 01:12:20,264
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.
1621
01:12:20,348 --> 01:12:22,600
Lots of TDU:
Tiny Dick Urine over here.
1622
01:12:22,684 --> 01:12:25,561
It would take a miracle to pick up
any dog scent off of that thing.
1623
01:12:25,645 --> 01:12:27,522
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?
1624
01:12:27,605 --> 01:12:29,273
Fuck are you doing?
1625
01:12:29,357 --> 01:12:30,650
You'll taint the smell.
1626
01:12:30,733 --> 01:12:33,945
I'm doing your job.
Now back the fuck off, Adolf.
1627
01:12:34,028 --> 01:12:36,072
-Adolf?
-It's 'cause you're a German Sh--
1628
01:12:36,155 --> 01:12:38,282
-Oh, whatever.
-I get it now. Hitler reference.
1629
01:12:39,701 --> 01:12:41,577
Go, Maggie! Go, Maggie!
1630
01:12:45,540 --> 01:12:46,749
I'm picking up…
1631
01:12:46,833 --> 01:12:49,293
Bitches of the night. Pizza. Vomit pizza?
1632
01:12:49,377 --> 01:12:51,004
Hot dogs. All of our pee.
1633
01:12:51,087 --> 01:12:53,006
Eagle feathers. Dennis Quaid?
1634
01:12:53,089 --> 01:12:55,049
Squirrel sex.
Dead bunnies that I know nothing about.
1635
01:12:55,133 --> 01:12:56,592
Hunter's boner. Ooh, lots of shit.
1636
01:12:56,676 --> 01:12:58,845
A tiny Boston Terrier dick and…
1637
01:12:58,928 --> 01:13:00,638
Reggie! I got him!
1638
01:13:00,722 --> 01:13:02,223
-Yes, Maggie!
-Let's move!
1639
01:13:02,307 --> 01:13:04,309
Come on, let's go!
Thanks, Rolf!
1640
01:13:04,392 --> 01:13:06,561
Except for when you fucked us over.
1641
01:13:06,644 --> 01:13:07,854
Good luck, soldiers!
1642
01:13:07,937 --> 01:13:10,231
And sorry I'm such a fucking asshole!
1643
01:13:10,315 --> 01:13:12,025
I should really work on myself.
1644
01:14:04,494 --> 01:14:06,329
Oh, thanks for
shitting on the carpet!
1645
01:14:06,412 --> 01:14:08,665
The fuck are you thinking? Huh?
1646
01:14:08,748 --> 01:14:11,793
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.
1647
01:14:20,385 --> 01:14:22,679
Can you just leave me the fuck alone?
1648
01:14:23,304 --> 01:14:24,889
Bad dog!
1649
01:14:31,729 --> 01:14:34,482
That's what you fucking
sound like, you piece of shit.
1650
01:15:01,759 --> 01:15:04,679
Okay, one last shit on the carpet,
and then I'm out.
1651
01:15:17,775 --> 01:15:18,818
Mmm.
1652
01:15:25,450 --> 01:15:26,367
Hey, Doug.
1653
01:15:27,744 --> 01:15:28,995
Fuck!
1654
01:15:29,078 --> 01:15:31,122
It's me, Reggie.
1655
01:15:31,205 --> 01:15:34,417
A-And look, I-I know you can't understand
what I'm saying right now.
1656
01:15:34,500 --> 01:15:36,544
No, no, no, this is not happening.
1657
01:15:36,627 --> 01:15:38,504
But I just wanna say how I feel.
1658
01:15:39,297 --> 01:15:41,341
I know you didn't like me.
1659
01:15:41,424 --> 01:15:43,134
I mean, obviously.
1660
01:15:43,217 --> 01:15:44,844
You abandoned me in the street.
1661
01:15:45,511 --> 01:15:49,974
But just know that I did everything
I could to make you feel loved.
1662
01:15:50,058 --> 01:15:55,313
And I thought if I loved you enough,
then maybe you would love me back.
1663
01:15:56,689 --> 01:15:58,483
But then I met new friends.
1664
01:15:58,566 --> 01:16:02,945
I met the sweetest big dog,
with just the nicest dick.
1665
01:16:03,029 --> 01:16:05,948
The most talented, baddest bitch
in the world,
1666
01:16:06,032 --> 01:16:08,409
and the tiniest, scrappiest,
1667
01:16:08,493 --> 01:16:12,246
funniest best friend I could ever ask for.
1668
01:16:12,330 --> 01:16:16,668
Oh, and I met my son too, who's a gnome,
and we had sex, but whatever.
1669
01:16:17,251 --> 01:16:22,340
The point is, those friends showed me
what real love feels like.
1670
01:16:22,423 --> 01:16:24,884
And it's nothing like what we had.
1671
01:16:24,968 --> 01:16:28,221
Now I know that I wasn't a bad dog.
1672
01:16:28,304 --> 01:16:31,349
You were a bad man.
1673
01:16:31,432 --> 01:16:33,476
Bad man! Bad man!
1674
01:16:37,730 --> 01:16:39,440
Goodbye, Doug.
1675
01:16:39,524 --> 01:16:40,942
And fuck you.
1676
01:16:47,949 --> 01:16:52,996
Now what do I gotta do
to get you the fuck out of my life?
1677
01:16:53,079 --> 01:16:55,206
I mean, how do you not get it, man?
1678
01:16:55,289 --> 01:16:58,710
I drove you three hours away.
1679
01:16:58,793 --> 01:17:02,463
I mean, how could I make it any more clear
that I don't care about you?
1680
01:17:02,547 --> 01:17:04,632
I don't fucking love you.
1681
01:17:04,716 --> 01:17:06,467
Goodbye forever, shitbag.
1682
01:17:08,136 --> 01:17:11,597
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.
1683
01:17:11,681 --> 01:17:13,433
Pee-FFs forever.
1684
01:17:16,561 --> 01:17:18,313
Pee-FFs forever!
1685
01:17:18,396 --> 01:17:22,025
The fuck? Who the hell are these dogs?
1686
01:17:22,108 --> 01:17:24,569
Jesus Christ,
it's like a fucking dog movie in here.
1687
01:17:27,113 --> 01:17:28,323
Oh, yeah?
1688
01:17:28,406 --> 01:17:31,075
The fuck are you gonna do about it,
cone boy?
1689
01:17:41,127 --> 01:17:42,128
Oh, shit.
1690
01:17:48,551 --> 01:17:49,761
Reggie, are you okay?
1691
01:17:49,844 --> 01:17:51,679
Listen, Bug,
I-I'm so sorry for what I said. I--
1692
01:17:51,763 --> 01:17:52,805
Don't worry about that right now.
1693
01:17:52,889 --> 01:17:54,932
Yeah, we've got a dick to rip off.
1694
01:17:59,312 --> 01:18:00,980
Get the fuck off me!
1695
01:18:01,939 --> 01:18:04,067
Fuck. What the-- Get off me!
1696
01:18:04,150 --> 01:18:05,985
Let go! Goddamn it!
1697
01:18:06,069 --> 01:18:09,113
Ow! Fuck, my knee! Goddamn it!
1698
01:18:09,197 --> 01:18:11,491
Oh, you want some, huh?
1699
01:18:14,786 --> 01:18:16,454
Oh, goddamn it!
1700
01:18:16,537 --> 01:18:18,956
You little fuckers
owe me a microwave.
1701
01:18:19,040 --> 01:18:20,792
Eat some foot!
1702
01:18:21,959 --> 01:18:24,045
Ah! My foot!
1703
01:18:28,591 --> 01:18:29,634
Shitbag!
1704
01:18:39,143 --> 01:18:41,229
Oh! Fuck, my back!
1705
01:18:41,312 --> 01:18:42,772
- Guys! We should get out of here.
- Fuck!
1706
01:18:43,439 --> 01:18:45,858
- Reggie!
- Got you, you little shit!
1707
01:18:45,942 --> 01:18:49,988
Well, look at you.
You got yourself some friends?
1708
01:18:50,071 --> 01:18:52,699
Let me tell you furry fucks something.
1709
01:18:53,616 --> 01:18:57,078
Your little buddy here ruined my life.
1710
01:18:57,161 --> 01:19:00,540
Before him,
I had a fucking good thing going.
1711
01:19:00,623 --> 01:19:02,500
A roof over my head,
1712
01:19:02,583 --> 01:19:05,003
checks from my mom, two girlfriends.
1713
01:19:05,086 --> 01:19:08,506
Now I have no house, no girlfriends,
1714
01:19:08,589 --> 01:19:10,425
and I have to masturbate all day.
1715
01:19:11,009 --> 01:19:13,886
All right?
This dog turned me into a fucking loser.
1716
01:19:13,970 --> 01:19:15,471
Why's he talking so much?
1717
01:19:16,222 --> 01:19:19,434
You ever see the end of Marley & Me? Huh?
1718
01:19:19,517 --> 01:19:22,061
Yeah, me neither. It's fucking boring.
1719
01:19:23,104 --> 01:19:26,482
But I do know
that the dog dies in the end.
1720
01:19:27,650 --> 01:19:31,029
I'm gonna enjoy
squeezing the life out of you…
1721
01:19:31,112 --> 01:19:32,697
- Maggie, Hunter get in position.
- Got it.
1722
01:19:32,780 --> 01:19:34,615
- Copy.
- …cause you squeezed the life out of me.
1723
01:19:35,700 --> 01:19:37,035
Wait, what's happening?
1724
01:19:37,118 --> 01:19:38,953
What are they doing
getting in a line like that?
1725
01:19:41,789 --> 01:19:45,001
Fuck you!
1726
01:19:57,930 --> 01:20:00,224
♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
1727
01:20:00,308 --> 01:20:01,851
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
1728
01:20:01,934 --> 01:20:05,396
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
1729
01:20:05,480 --> 01:20:09,901
♪ We kissed
I fell under your spell ♪
1730
01:20:09,984 --> 01:20:13,655
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
1731
01:20:14,322 --> 01:20:16,074
♪ Don't you ever say… ♪
1732
01:20:16,157 --> 01:20:18,951
Bad fucking dog!
1733
01:20:19,535 --> 01:20:21,829
You're goddamn right.
1734
01:20:22,622 --> 01:20:24,540
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1735
01:20:26,334 --> 01:20:30,254
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
1736
01:20:30,338 --> 01:20:34,258
♪ All I wanted was to break your walls ♪
1737
01:20:34,342 --> 01:20:36,594
♪ All you ever did was ♪
1738
01:20:36,678 --> 01:20:38,137
♪ Wreck me ♪
1739
01:20:40,390 --> 01:20:43,226
♪ You wreck me ♪
1740
01:20:43,309 --> 01:20:47,146
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
1741
01:20:47,230 --> 01:20:51,275
♪ And now you're not coming down ♪
1742
01:20:51,359 --> 01:20:55,321
♪ It slowly turned
You let me burn ♪
1743
01:20:55,405 --> 01:20:58,825
♪ And now we're ashes on the ground ♪
1744
01:20:59,867 --> 01:21:03,955
♪ Don't you ever say
I just walked away ♪
1745
01:21:04,038 --> 01:21:06,624
♪ I will always want you ♪
1746
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:10,503
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1747
01:21:10,586 --> 01:21:14,048
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung ♪
1748
01:21:14,132 --> 01:21:17,677
♪ Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪
1749
01:21:18,428 --> 01:21:23,016
♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
1750
01:21:23,099 --> 01:21:26,728
♪ Yeah, you, you wreck me ♪
1751
01:21:30,064 --> 01:21:32,859
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
1752
01:21:33,985 --> 01:21:37,113
♪ I just wanted you to let me in… ♪
1753
01:21:37,196 --> 01:21:39,824
Uh… Yeah, we should probably leave.
1754
01:21:39,907 --> 01:21:42,327
Oh, yeah? We gotta go right now?
I was kind of enjoying this.
1755
01:21:42,410 --> 01:21:43,953
♪ I guess I should've let you win… ♪
1756
01:21:44,037 --> 01:21:47,123
Yo, Reg, I gotta be honest with you.
I ain't think you was gonna do that shit.
1757
01:21:47,206 --> 01:21:48,458
You really committed to that.
1758
01:21:48,541 --> 01:21:50,126
More graphic
than I was expecting.
1759
01:21:50,209 --> 01:21:51,336
That was almost too far.
1760
01:21:51,419 --> 01:21:54,005
You one-upped me for sure.
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
1761
01:21:54,088 --> 01:21:56,424
You ripped a man's penis off.
1762
01:22:11,981 --> 01:22:14,776
Today is gonna be the best day ever.
1763
01:22:15,526 --> 01:22:19,447
How do I know that?
Because every day is the best day ever.
1764
01:22:19,530 --> 01:22:22,992
Hunter went back to his job
at the old human home.
1765
01:22:23,076 --> 01:22:24,661
And he didn't even need his cone.
1766
01:22:24,744 --> 01:22:27,622
Hey, Cone of Shame!
Where's your lampshade?
1767
01:22:27,705 --> 01:22:30,041
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,
1768
01:22:30,124 --> 01:22:32,418
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.
1769
01:22:32,502 --> 01:22:34,087
-Fuck you, Bubsy!
-Wow.
1770
01:22:34,170 --> 01:22:36,798
I had no idea you felt that way.
I'm sorry.
1771
01:22:36,881 --> 01:22:37,882
I-I'm just gonna go…
1772
01:22:39,008 --> 01:22:40,843
fuck your mother!
1773
01:22:40,927 --> 01:22:41,970
Fuck outta here!
1774
01:22:42,053 --> 01:22:45,598
And he finally found the courage
to let Maggie know how he feels about her.
1775
01:22:45,682 --> 01:22:47,809
And now they have sex all the time!
1776
01:22:47,892 --> 01:22:49,602
Regular style, of course.
1777
01:22:49,686 --> 01:22:51,354
Attaboy, Hunter.
1778
01:22:52,146 --> 01:22:53,856
Reminds me of when I was young.
1779
01:22:55,191 --> 01:22:56,943
You used to fuck dogs?
1780
01:22:57,735 --> 01:22:58,736
What?
1781
01:22:59,320 --> 01:23:02,699
And Maggie, well,
she finally got the owner she deserves.
1782
01:23:03,282 --> 01:23:05,743
Maggie's part of the detection squad now.
1783
01:23:05,827 --> 01:23:07,829
And she's the best sniffer on the team.
1784
01:23:07,912 --> 01:23:10,289
I love the costume you gave her.
1785
01:23:10,373 --> 01:23:13,334
-So good.
-Uniform, for work.
1786
01:23:13,418 --> 01:23:15,670
And Bug's the same old Bug,
1787
01:23:15,753 --> 01:23:17,922
with one pretty big exception.
1788
01:23:18,006 --> 01:23:20,049
He's changed his stance on people.
1789
01:23:21,342 --> 01:23:24,262
Or at least, one very special person.
1790
01:23:27,140 --> 01:23:29,559
♪ And I'll show you how to love ♪
1791
01:23:30,560 --> 01:23:31,978
♪ To love ♪
1792
01:23:32,061 --> 01:23:35,690
Sure, joining a family was
a bit of a learning experience for him.
1793
01:23:39,068 --> 01:23:40,737
Oh, baby, I love this.
1794
01:23:40,820 --> 01:23:43,072
Your cushions are so much tighter
than Dolores's.
1795
01:23:43,156 --> 01:23:45,158
And what is this fabric, faux suede?
1796
01:23:46,701 --> 01:23:48,578
-Hey.
-Oh, hey, Kevin.
1797
01:23:49,495 --> 01:23:51,664
Come on, buddy. No humping the couch.
1798
01:23:53,291 --> 01:23:55,710
Nothing will ever come between us.
1799
01:23:56,919 --> 01:23:59,297
Yep, life is pretty damn great.
1800
01:23:59,964 --> 01:24:01,382
So we'll see you guys tonight?
1801
01:24:01,466 --> 01:24:03,176
-Yes! Scraps night.
-You know it! Scraps night!
1802
01:24:07,096 --> 01:24:10,141
As for me, I chose to stay a stray.
1803
01:24:10,224 --> 01:24:12,101
And I couldn't be happier.
1804
01:24:12,602 --> 01:24:16,397
And for any dogs in need,
I'll be there to show them the ropes.
1805
01:24:17,106 --> 01:24:18,941
Hey, there. I'm Reggie. You got a name?
1806
01:24:19,025 --> 01:24:21,402
Oh, hi. I'm-- I'm Shitstain.
1807
01:24:21,486 --> 01:24:24,030
No, no, no. That's not your name.
Trust me.
1808
01:24:25,073 --> 01:24:29,494
Rule number one of being a stray:
You want something, you pee on it.
1809
01:24:29,577 --> 01:24:31,621
And whatever you pee on is yours.
1810
01:24:31,704 --> 01:24:34,332
-Oh. How 'bout this lamppost?
-That's mine.
1811
01:24:34,415 --> 01:24:35,833
Oh. Okay.
1812
01:24:35,917 --> 01:24:38,586
Rule number two: You can pretty much
hump whatever you want.
1813
01:24:38,670 --> 01:24:40,505
-Cool!
-Awesome!
1814
01:24:40,588 --> 01:24:44,676
Rule number three
is the most important rule, bar none.
1815
01:24:45,635 --> 01:24:47,762
You are not alone.
1816
01:24:49,430 --> 01:24:52,433
You know, I used to think
my place was by Doug's side.
1817
01:24:52,517 --> 01:24:55,103
But now I know my place is wherever
I want it to be.
1818
01:24:55,186 --> 01:24:58,064
And I've never felt more at home.
1819
01:24:58,606 --> 01:25:02,193
'Cause I know a guy
who lets me crash whenever I want.
1820
01:25:02,819 --> 01:25:04,487
-Hey, loser.
-Hey, fuck face.
1821
01:25:08,116 --> 01:25:09,951
Liam, the cute scruffy dog is back!
1822
01:25:16,791 --> 01:25:18,626
Isn't this the life?
1823
01:25:20,586 --> 01:25:22,380
Who's a good boy?
1824
01:25:22,463 --> 01:25:23,798
You're a good boy.
1825
01:25:24,716 --> 01:25:26,384
Such a good boy.
1826
01:25:27,010 --> 01:25:29,262
I've learned a lot since Doug.
1827
01:25:29,345 --> 01:25:31,514
Sure, there's some bad people
in this world,
1828
01:25:31,597 --> 01:25:35,226
but even Bug would agree,
the good ones are out there.
1829
01:25:35,310 --> 01:25:37,854
You just gotta keep your eyes open.
1830
01:25:37,937 --> 01:25:39,480
Hey, kids!
1831
01:25:39,564 --> 01:25:41,482
- I'll rip your lungs out.
- Fuck you, mailman!
1832
01:25:41,566 --> 01:25:43,234
These guys have a lot of energy,
don't they?
1833
01:25:43,318 --> 01:25:45,903
-I'm gonna eat your fucking nut sack.
-Get out of here, you evil little shit!
1834
01:25:45,987 --> 01:25:48,990
-I'll give you to the count of three…
-You stupid fucking evil devil!
1835
01:25:49,073 --> 01:25:51,409
…and then I'm gonna jump this fence
and skull-fuck you to death!
1836
01:25:51,492 --> 01:25:53,411
You're just as bad
as your friend in the sky!
1837
01:25:53,494 --> 01:25:56,748
- Yeah, yeah, you smart! You smart!
- You fuckwad! Go! Go! Go!
1838
01:25:56,831 --> 01:25:58,082
Keep walking! Keep walking!
1839
01:25:58,166 --> 01:26:00,084
Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow!
1840
01:26:00,168 --> 01:26:01,169
Fuck off!
1841
01:26:01,252 --> 01:26:03,212
Yeah, bitch. You don't want to
get this guy angry.
1842
01:26:03,296 --> 01:26:07,175
I may be small,
but you have no idea what I'm capable of!
1843
01:26:07,967 --> 01:26:09,385
Just ask Doug!
1844
01:26:10,261 --> 01:26:12,972
I ripped the guy's cock off!
1845
01:26:13,056 --> 01:26:15,600
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1846
01:26:15,683 --> 01:26:18,102
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1847
01:26:18,186 --> 01:26:20,938
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1848
01:26:21,022 --> 01:26:23,566
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1849
01:26:23,650 --> 01:26:25,860
♪ It's 1-9-9-tre
So let me just play ♪
1850
01:26:25,943 --> 01:26:27,278
♪ It's Snoop Dogg, I'm on the mic ♪
1851
01:26:27,362 --> 01:26:29,030
-♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
-[eagle screeches]
1852
01:26:29,113 --> 01:26:31,199
♪ But this time I'ma hit
Yo' ass with a touch ♪
1853
01:26:31,282 --> 01:26:33,951
♪ To leave motherfuckers in a daze
Fucked up ♪
1854
01:26:34,035 --> 01:26:36,496
♪ So sit back, relax
New jacks get smacked ♪
1855
01:26:36,579 --> 01:26:38,956
♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg
I'm at the top of the stack ♪
1856
01:26:39,040 --> 01:26:41,793
♪ I don't lack for a second
And I'm still checkin' ♪
1857
01:26:41,876 --> 01:26:44,337
♪ The dopest motherfucker
That ya hearin' on the record ♪
1858
01:26:44,420 --> 01:26:46,464
♪ It's me, ya see, S-N-double-O-P ♪
1859
01:26:46,547 --> 01:26:49,133
♪ D-O-double-G-Y, the D-O-double-G ♪
1860
01:26:49,217 --> 01:26:51,844
{\an8}♪ I'm fly as a falcon
Soarin' through the sky ♪
1861
01:26:51,928 --> 01:26:54,639
{\an8}-[eagle screeches]
-♪ And I'm high till I dizzie, rizzide ♪
1862
01:26:54,722 --> 01:26:57,725
♪ So check it, I get busy
I make your head dizzy ♪
1863
01:26:57,809 --> 01:27:00,103
♪ I blow up your mouth
Like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
1864
01:27:00,186 --> 01:27:02,063
♪ I'm crazy, you can't phase me ♪
1865
01:27:02,146 --> 01:27:04,065
♪ I'm the S, oh, yes, I'm fresh ♪
1866
01:27:04,148 --> 01:27:05,316
♪ I don't fuck with the stress ♪
1867
01:27:05,400 --> 01:27:07,902
♪ I'm all about the chronic
Bionic, ya see ♪
1868
01:27:07,986 --> 01:27:11,030
♪ Every single day
Chillin' with the D-O-double-G's ♪
1869
01:27:11,114 --> 01:27:13,324
♪ P-O-U-N-D, that's my clique, my crew ♪
1870
01:27:13,408 --> 01:27:16,160
♪ You fuck with us
We gots to fuck you up ♪
1871
01:27:16,244 --> 01:27:17,996
♪ I thought you knew, but yet and still ♪
1872
01:27:18,079 --> 01:27:21,249
♪ You wanna get real
Now it's time to peel, you say chill ♪
1873
01:27:21,332 --> 01:27:23,459
♪ And feel the motherfuckin' realism ♪
1874
01:27:23,543 --> 01:27:24,836
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the mic ♪
1875
01:27:24,919 --> 01:27:26,379
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
1876
01:27:26,462 --> 01:27:29,465
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1877
01:27:29,549 --> 01:27:32,093
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1878
01:27:32,176 --> 01:27:34,637
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1879
01:27:34,721 --> 01:27:37,265
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1880
01:27:37,348 --> 01:27:39,934
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1881
01:27:40,018 --> 01:27:42,520
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1882
01:27:42,603 --> 01:27:45,231
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1883
01:27:45,315 --> 01:27:47,692
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1884
01:27:53,364 --> 01:27:55,825
In addition
to the multiple facial lacerations
1885
01:27:55,908 --> 01:27:58,786
and the severe burn wounds,
1886
01:27:58,870 --> 01:28:04,208
we also discovered an alarming amount
of fecal bacteria in your system,
1887
01:28:04,292 --> 01:28:08,004
which, I would imagine came from
the-- the-- the…
1888
01:28:08,087 --> 01:28:11,174
-Dog shitting in my mouth? Yeah.
-Right. Yeah.
1889
01:28:12,925 --> 01:28:15,345
Um… Ba-ba-ba…
1890
01:28:15,428 --> 01:28:16,888
Checking the clipboard.
1891
01:28:16,971 --> 01:28:19,849
Oh, yeah. We also, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.
1892
01:28:22,226 --> 01:28:25,229
Fuck!
1893
01:28:39,702 --> 01:28:40,703
♪ Jamie ♪
1894
01:28:42,246 --> 01:28:43,456
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
1895
01:28:44,999 --> 01:28:46,000
♪ Will Ferrell ♪
1896
01:29:00,181 --> 01:29:02,266
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
1897
01:29:03,142 --> 01:29:04,560
♪ I'm a stray ♪
1898
01:29:13,695 --> 01:29:14,946
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
1899
01:29:16,239 --> 01:29:19,033
♪ Quit doggin' me! Dogging me ♪
1900
01:29:23,871 --> 01:29:25,623
♪ I'm a stray ♪